poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Hunger
unknown

When I was about nine or ten
 1
I plucked up courage at break time
 2
to ask the class beauty for a bit of
 3
her chocolate bar
 4
 
 
She laughed and threw a piece on the ground
 5
 
 
I picked it up
 6
 
 
and ate it.
 7

16 Jan 11

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Comments:

get rid of 8
 — unknown

Perfect
 — unknown

Thanks unks & V
same person B?
 — unknown

ya
 — unknown

:)
 — unknown

you're a fool, to have eaten it
 — unknown

there was no three second rule in these days :)
 — unknown

Why pick it up at all? Just grovel at her feet and slurp it up.

I don't like this as a "poem"; I'm not gonna say OMG ITS PROSE... but it definitely doesn't look like a poem to me.
 — aliar

To get know an additional information about this good topic, people have to buy essays at the essay writing service.  
 — unknown

ta for commenting, al. :)
 — unknown

would be nice if moderators could nuke the ^essay pest^.
 — unknown

how about 'the courage' in L2?

nice.
 — mandolyn

My thinking was it read better without 'the'. Glad you like despite... :)
 — unknown

i would have given her the finger. i used to do that when i was nine. my mom used to call me pinkie.
 — unknown

Heh! Which one is you? ;)
 — unknown

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