|taking me for granted
you look at me as if I'm rubbish
like I'll rub off on you
like useless gold once treasured
to you, I'm the ring
that makes your finger green
I don't wash off for a week
I'm unpolished furniture
you lounge around on
kick up your feet
you never clean me
always get me dirty
you use me up
until there's no more
wait until I refuel myself
so you can use me up again
and when I finally play out
you'd taken better care of me.
25 Jan 11
Rated 10 (9.5) by 2 users.
Inactive (2): 7, 9, 10, 10
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L12, 'get me dirty' you mean?
Your lyricism is getting sharper and stronger, PF .. love it .. keep on writing!
Love your work.
Hi pF - I agree with mand et jen-chan - spiky low self-esteemy piece with a nice twist. Us males can be pretty
unfeeling at times and take those who love us for granted. Apparently, I have all the partner-awareness of a house-brick. Mitch :-)
you're wrong, i don't look at you like that at all. how can i? for starters, i'm cockeyed.
^^ Me, I'm just an opt-eyed cocktimist
PF the L18-19 gap is too huge and the tense in L19 is off - 'you'd taken' flows better. Cheers. Mitch :-)
thanks guys :) i will make those changes
I really love where this poem went from lines 1 through 7, then the part about unpolished furniture took my mind off of what you were saying. I really like this poem and how you express yourself and maybe lines 8 and 9 fit, but they just seemed a distraction to me and what you were saying. Great poem.
bring l19 up
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lines 5-7 really shine for me.
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