“It was easy.
Just strolled out
while the zoo man
was rolling about with Stan the gorilla.
Went round Sophie’s,
ate the contents of the fridge,
one tub of vanilla ice cream
and a steak pud with dream topping
Her mum was a right bitch
so I swallowed her shopping list.
Drank all the water in the tap
after letting her sit on my lap.
Her dad came home,
ate the last garibaldi biscuit,
frisked me for drugs guns and ammo,
I was green to go, sitting clean as a whistle.
We shared a beer, human talk is weird.
Discussed animal rights,
he offered me a mortgage on my cage
laced with other financial shite.
I declined, things went fine for ages but I got real tight.
After coffee I staggered back through the dead of night.
Wor a waste won’t be doing that again in a hurry,
especially as I fell in a slurry pit short cutting the farm.
“Keeper!” I roared, pressing the bell to get back into hell.
“Don’t want to appear rude, but where’s my tiger food?”