I remember that day,
blossom floated on a lake,
toy boats, twigs, set down near path
while half awake. Leaves barely out of bud.
Eyes shielded against bright light.
Swift soaring, bird song unidentified,
unusual, never heard before or since.
Someone called; a name skitted.
Fitful gestures of hands
arced into air then languidly smoothed out grass.
Thin shadows echoed summers larger themes,
half remembered in my half dream.
Robin hopped out of winter,
warm sun already past midday.
Her pale forearm waved,
gesture gentle and tender
as I remember Isabelle that day.
15 Apr 11
Rated 9.5 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 9, 10, 10
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OOH NICE BUT WHATS WITH KUNDERA?
I too remember that day, only differently
L4-incredible line. AH!
L6-think of changing unidentified? It is awkward in this position...
L12-perhaps think of erasing one of the halfs here. I get the meaning but it seems that the repition does not work here with so many quick moving poignant ideas.
All in all greta piece. I couldn't figure out the rhyming scheme...care to explain? Could you also speak a bit to the motivation of the poem? I'd love to hear it.
Again, well done, 10 from me.
its a tribute unknown
so do i
I wrote this as a felt it but gave it a subtle rhyming scheme of half stresses so that words echoed other words distantly as images in a dream do
this is lovely . .. still needs a new title?
There you are ... its been re suited and booted
Really enjoyed this poem, love the detail you've chosen to add (freckled arm) and love L11. A success indeed.
very sweet-- drowning with imagery, good work
Gorgeous writing and lines 9 to 12 really work beautifully.
It's exactly this time of year right now, perfect :)