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Spring Memory
larrylark

I remember that day,
 1
blossom floated on a lake,
 2
toy boats, twigs, set down near path
 3
while half awake. Leaves barely out of bud.
 4
 
 
Eyes shielded against  bright light.
 5
Swift soaring, bird song unidentified,
 6
unusual, never heard before or since.
 7
Someone called; a name skitted.
 8
 
 
Fitful gestures of hands
 9
arced into air then languidly smoothed out grass.
 10
Thin shadows echoed summers larger themes,
 11
half remembered in my half dream.
 12
 
 
Robin hopped out of winter,
 13
warm sun already past midday.
 14
Her pale forearm waved,
 15
gesture gentle and tender
 16
as I remember Isabelle that day.
 17

15 Apr 11

Rated 9.5 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

OOH NICE BUT WHATS WITH KUNDERA?
 — unknown

I too remember that day, only differently
 — unknown

L4-incredible line.  AH!
L6-think of changing unidentified? It is awkward in this position...
L12-perhaps think of erasing one of the halfs here. I get the meaning but it seems that the repition does not work here with so many quick moving poignant ideas.
L13-16-wonderful ending!!!!

All in all greta piece. I couldn't figure out the rhyming scheme...care to explain?  Could you also speak a bit to the motivation of the poem? I'd love to hear it.

Again, well done, 10 from me.
 — Known

its a tribute unknown
 — larrylark

so do i
 — larrylark

I wrote this as a felt it but gave it a subtle rhyming scheme of half stresses so that words echoed other words distantly as images in a dream do
 — larrylark

this is lovely . .. still needs a new title?
 — funes

There you are ... its been re suited and booted
 — larrylark

Really enjoyed this poem, love the detail you've chosen to add (freckled arm) and love L11. A success indeed.
 — stan

very sweet-- drowning with imagery, good work
 — gjenkins

Gorgeous writing and lines 9 to 12 really work beautifully.

It's exactly this time of year right now, perfect :)
 — jenn

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