poetry critical

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marriage
hank

never thought it would take this long
 1
in fact, i was sure that it wouldn't
 2
but the things we know back then
 3
only appeal to us now
 4
 
 
i saw it as self incarceration
 5
and still see it as such
 6
difference being i am by you
 7
my love shackled to your would
 8

18 May 11


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Comments:

do you mean "would" or "world" in line 8?
Interesting poem!
 — abdavis

'Wood' also works - in fact I like it better.
 — unknown

'shackled to your would' is cliche and kills this, even though 'would' is brilliant. the word sounds work in the rest of the text, that you'd need 'shockled' to complete this as a poem. if you were able to write that.
 — syviaplastic

yes, thank you for your comments. the last word 'would' was a stickler and changed many times. the only other word that 'would' work is will. in trying to decide amongst the two, i had to go for 'would' for its future tense and for it's uncertainty. and for its phonetic sound, obviously. thank you for picking up on this detail, you are incredibly accurate and hyenalike poetry critics. in this case, if it isn't 'will', then it must stay 'would'. tyler.
 — hank

actually, it went from 'wall', to 'will', to 'would'. and there you have its history.
 — hank

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