your elbow makes an indentation in the sand
your hand is half the size of your face
fingers curled makes perfect stand
rest your head upon your hand
you now lie head in hand
your body shift a bit of sand
the depression of you may be
destroyed by wind another day
22 May 11
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it has a really dreamy quality about, of course mostly in the repetition but i can dig that. if you stop to look at the words and they way they fall into each other [sand/stand/hand/hand/sand] it seems like a dumb move...but no, it weaves it doesn't run and that is peachy.
The second strophe brings down the first, a bit.
cool. i didn't recognize the sand, stand, hand hand stuff. thank you for bringing it to my attention. maybe i should try and get 'hank' in there too no?
hank is under desert, i guess exploring the pyramids or something.
nineteen ninety four.
you may be right. but i don't know how to rectify that.
I enjoy the beat and repeat
think lines 5-8 should be reversed; end with sand.
just a quick observation
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