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desert
hank

your elbow makes an indentation in the sand
 1
your hand is half the size of your face
 2
fingers curled makes perfect stand
 3
rest your head upon your hand
 4
 
 
you now lie head in hand
 5
your body shift a bit of sand
 6
the depression of you may be
 7
destroyed by wind another day
 8

22 May 11

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got it?
 — hank

it has a really dreamy quality about, of course mostly in the repetition but i can dig that. if you stop to look at the words and they way they fall into each other [sand/stand/hand/hand/sand] it seems like a dumb move...but no, it weaves it doesn't run and that is peachy.
 — DeformedLion

The second strophe brings down the first, a bit.
 — 1994

cool. i didn't recognize the sand, stand, hand hand stuff. thank you for bringing it to my attention. maybe i should try and get 'hank' in there too no?
 — hank

hank is under desert, i guess exploring the pyramids or something.
 — DeformedLion

nineteen ninety four.
you may be right. but i don't know how to rectify that.
 — hank

I enjoy the beat and repeat
think lines 5-8 should be reversed; end with sand.
7,8,5,6

just a quick observation
nice poem
 — jenakajoffer

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