Granddad insisted that a wire attached
to the flushing apparatus, at the back of the cistern
in the outside loo was the G string from
George Formby’s ukulele which had been
given him by his Auntie Vi, who told no lies
In the 30’s she was dresser to “The Son of Geronimo”
whose stage act consisted of tossing thirteen tomahawks
while decorously arranging feathers sewn into the buck skin skirt
of his female assistant Nancy, named “Tiny Fawn” (considered by some
to be faintly erotic, flirtatious, and likely to warm up a fancy.)
He was one of the many support acts as George Formby
took Hippodromes and Dance Halls by storm.
Geronimo (real name Harry Soo) was partial to blue cheese
and tomato sandwiches, though Fawn, with her disturbed past
always had hers oozing mustard, downed with a pint of Bass.
One evening George popped his gormless face
round the dressing room door and said “I’m partial to the taste
of a barm cake supper with sardines and tomato. Well lo and behold Aunt Vi
had just the thing at hand, having had a go at fishing off the sands
that very morning by a beached blow whale, but therein lies another tail.
That night, halfway through cleaning his windows, plunka plunk a jinga jang,
his G string twanged for a final time as he sang. When he came off
he presented it to Vi with a signed note….
”Thanks for the butty, it was divine
I’ve never had it coated with brown bread before, can I come back for more?
To my little barmpot Vi, with lots of sighs, from George.”
George’s wife, his manager found out about the note
The Son of Geronimo was taken off the bill
and by the throat for acting the goat
while Auntie Vi got one in the eye after having her heart sliced
smote and smitten but with her wrapper still intact,
and went back to what she did best,,,, buttering the facts.