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Swallows
larrylark

Swallows reign all summer in the park
 1
whispering wings on perfumed air,
 2
swoop through cool mid August nights
 3
ready for the flight through Spain,
 4
tortured deserts to the veldt.
 5
 
 
A Bedouin tribesman shields his face,
 6
thought he heard a sound close by.  
 7
Stares at silence, flocks of birds,  
 8
shadows chasing  ghosts through skies.
 9

2 Oct 11

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (0): 10

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Comments:

wish this had been longer, your imagery is spot on
 — cassell

I'm a fan of yours Sir Larry, but are L8 & 9 a tad anticlimatic? Should you have stuck with the humble lark. Is this a story everyone knows already anyway - which only leaves us with the language you have chosen, hmmm.
 — unknown

if only you were a spitfire MB but you are only a Messerschmidt. What a shame.
 — unknown

Mind you don't stumble and fall down into your b-day MB. The result will be even more awful than your crits
 — unknown

I would like it better if it was something like, "Swallows rule the park all summer."

Maybe delete mid.

Don't feel L5.

Super forced L8. I don't like the rhyme scheme end. It's like echo... echo... echo...
 — aliar

thanks aliar...i am trying to fiddle with your suggestions
 — larrylark

Hi cassell

I'm only short

Larry tich Lark
 — larrylark

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