wish this had been longer, your imagery is spot on — cassell
I'm a fan of yours Sir Larry, but are L8 & 9 a tad anticlimatic? Should you have stuck with the humble lark. Is this a story everyone knows already anyway - which only leaves us with the language you have chosen, hmmm. — unknown
if only you were a spitfire MB but you are only a Messerschmidt. What a shame. — unknown
Mind you don't stumble and fall down into your b-day MB. The result will be even more awful than your crits — unknown
I would like it better if it was something like, "Swallows rule the park all summer."
Maybe delete mid.
Don't feel L5.
Super forced L8. I don't like the rhyme scheme end. It's like echo... echo... echo... — aliar
thanks aliar...i am trying to fiddle with your suggestions — larrylark