Swallows reign all summer in the park
whispering wings on perfumed air,
swoop through cool mid August nights
ready for the flight through Spain,
tortured deserts to the veldt.
A Bedouin tribesman shields his face,
thought he heard a sound close by.
Stares at silence, flocks of birds,
shadows chasing ghosts through skies.
2 Oct 11
Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
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wish this had been longer, your imagery is spot on
I'm a fan of yours Sir Larry, but are L8 & 9 a tad anticlimatic? Should you have stuck with the humble lark. Is this a story everyone knows already anyway - which only leaves us with the language you have chosen, hmmm.
if only you were a spitfire MB but you are only a Messerschmidt. What a shame.
Mind you don't stumble and fall down into your b-day MB. The result will be even more awful than your crits
I would like it better if it was something like, "Swallows rule the park all summer."
Maybe delete mid.
Don't feel L5.
Super forced L8. I don't like the rhyme scheme end. It's like echo... echo... echo...
thanks aliar...i am trying to fiddle with your suggestions
I'm only short
Larry tich Lark