poetry critical

online poetry workshop

for buk

you with the barbells heaved over your head
standing in front of the fridge
filled with dos equis
really makes me laugh
and i love the drawing of the dog that graces my
screams from the balcony,
i wish i had you sign my entire library
before you died in LA that summer,
and i really get a kick out of the fact that
your chosen name for salutations
rhymes with puke.

27 Apr 04

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Inactive (1): 10, 10

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You're a very curious patron of the site, hank. The things you write are sometimes obtuse, sometimes very simple, and sometimes more 'poem'-like. The first two stanzas of this are definitely more 'poem'-like (I keep feeling the need to put "poem" in quotes as if to specify a certain definition of the word which does not necessarily encompass all definitions of it). Then the last is of the more simple type. But the whole thing is obtuse at the same time to me, because I'm not all that familiar with these elements of Bukowski; you talk of him as a person but I don't know anything about him as a person. For me he's just a name attached to some collections of words. But despite this this piece still feels like it has a connection to those words.

I don't quite know what to make of you, hank. I don't know what to say for your pieces, because you really do seem like you know exactly what you are saying, and every word is chosen over all the other words that could have been used. It seems like you are writing this realist tragicomedy almost in your pieces. I hope I can figure out what I can say about an individual piece at some point, because right now all I've got is to look over everything you've got up and give a general analysis as best I can over your oeuvre. I am looking out for your further work.
 — semaj

I have no idea why, but i dig this a lot. the first 8 lines especially. I decided to check out your stuff after reading your thread on the message board. Nice work.
 — dorzia

thank you dorzia, i will come over to your poems sometime soon.
 — hank

and semaj
 — hank

before i say something very silly can i ask. is it always summer in LA?
 — kaleidazcope

i dig-- very much in fact. the last stanza ties everything together really well; and besides, it made me grin.

and it is always, always summer in california. :)
 — youthculture

except for march.
 — hank

sod it hank. if you had an I in your name i would look you straight in the eye. and pfft.
 — kaleidazcope

images and ideas that intrigue throughout. You have signed Bukowski? First editions? In dust jackets? Perhaps I am totally off track. I know I should read the comments first, but that feels like cheating. Hank, the mix of tone ( grace/screams)
and understatement are brilliant. Thank you.

h's unkn
 — unknown

good poem, not sure about the second stanza

you with the barbells heaved over your head  
standing in front of the fridge  
filled with dos equis  
makes me laugh
i really get a kick out of the fact that  
your chosen name for salutations  
rhymes with puke.  
 — unknown

aaah buk. still an inspiration for us all. i have to assume you took hank to honor the man. i too have a book with that dog hand drawn by him.  it is a treasure.

i just received love letters from him to linda king....unpublished. with hand done edits-yep even on love letters. and his drawings. if i had found them on the street, i'd have said 'damn this guy writes like bukowski'

yet another tribute to the man.

 — ilenelush

Hmm...This would have been better had it been interesting. Even then, only slightly better. It's not even worth re-reading. Something that is poetic but boring, is still boring and not worth re-reading. 5/10
 — Henry

sorry you've had to re read it so many times henry. or is it henri?
 — hank


very good
 — banditfemme