poetry critical

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natalus express

basking in your
luster, no escape:
afflicted, eye
choke, feeling, altogether
somehow, hear and dare,
wherever the heart is,
also the mind throbs
never out of sync.
       o f u     i
     r        o    l
    t     i    y   y
    h   l  ♥  e   m
     e    o v    f
       r         o
         e s t

for black swan
with the infinity without
and within


     /   \
     : )


20 Feb 12

Rated 8.7 (7.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6
Inactive (2): 1, 7, 10, 10

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nice poem.

i have a strange suggestion. maybe you could put n in never in (). then it would read like (n)ever. i like the ambiguity that would give to the poem/line. but, that's just me.
 — listen

hi, listen.
been awhile.

synchronicity is the idea there, hoping to
transcend the false mind-body dichotomy
we've all been accustomed to for the longest
time -- to me, all phenomena transpire in the
material realm. also, it means that the heart
and mind -- mine, that is -- are one in love.

thanks for your playful suggestion.

so gneiss to hear from you as always.
please stick around for good.

: )
 — fractalcore

the first 9 lines are an [lame] attempt at an acrostic, by the way.
: )
 — fractalcore

i don't think it's lame at all. i did miss it the first time around though.

i see what you were doing there. i might have suggested it to break things up a bit ...

... but that would be questionable at the very least.
 — listen

more than a big : ) if it takes turn to the 6th
it's a bomb nothing like a 2-minute express ; )
 — unknown

love-ly lay lines linger in the heart 'n mind
 — AlchemiA

be neet if yew actually plasticised your language for us. i don't know if you're holding back because your swan can't read cosmic poetry, or because this is actually for 'the poetry audience'...

you let the tricks turn the dog, instead of letting the dog do sophisticated tricks and turn human. it's neither good graphic or good poem, but put together like this it's supposed to transcend either worldly efforts.
 — cadmium

i hear yah, mike.

the next attempt is the worst, hehe.
 — fractalcore