poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Haus 29
Rossant

Haus 29 is a magic number;
 1
its going to whisper dry silence,  
 2
then collapse like black tulips.
 3
Her wood smiles under morsel Sun,
 4
night protrudes giving out
 5
Coagulated rhythm,
 6
from this ravenous place.
 7
the denizens try to dance in droves,
 8
even forests cannot hold them,
 9
bystanders flood in,
 10
looking for  unexplained carolled groves
 11
conversations staked on fevered implausibilities
 12
the village responds in begrudging acceptance.
 13

26 Mar 12

Rated 7.5 (8.3) by 2 users.
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Comments:

excellent sense and settingof enigma
Queen of the Night Tulips are haughty and majestic.

your diction pleases me.
 — lysandre

Thank you very kindly.
 — Rossant

talkable plausibilities for a certain set. ok for new yorker verse, with its arch diction and flat poetic fleet -- no reader is going to squirm to the new carioca from reading this... it's safe for the class.
 — cadmium

ugh! what a vainglorious comment. grandiloquent bauer flutters on a stutter.
your big mouth has deafened you, foul bow-wower
 — lysandre

Cad your comments are far off the mark. I will not turn this poem into a dance routine just to please your nostalgia
 — Rossant

Love L4-5 in particular.  I am in accord with lysandre, lovely diction.
L12-gruding?  typo?
 — sybarite

you understand rosey, that i'm talking to you to find out if you're a genius poet or not. it doesn't matter what grade you get from the old battle axe teachers at all. you're the poet. live with it.
 — cadmium

Is new yorker verse a dig against dorthy parker ?
 — unknown

no, but she wasn't perfect either. it's more like some murky middle-ground, as though john updike wrote 'poetry' -- maybe he did -- a kind of important chatty talk among class-conscious people who trust that they each know what is and isn't tacky.

the comic verse of nash or parker is like the cartoons of the new yorker -- they're there because people want them to be there. the stories and narratives of the life of middle class authors pretending to be private people are voyeur and not as satisfying.
 — cadmium

Break out from the twilight zone
 — unknown

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