poetry critical

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Here Comes Summer
larrylark

Daddy was trimming the vegetable patch
 1
by his thatched tin hut,
 2
while hatching wild schemes,
 3
regarding honey bees,  cream teas,
 4
parsnips, sage, rosemary and thyme,
 5
while his hens laid eggs,
 6
yokes coloured like sunshine.
 7
 
 
Cattle rattled fences
 8
in the field next door,
 9
treading with disdain,
 10
the effluent remains of cow pats
 11
into grassy floors.
 12
 
 
My pal Kenny, stood clinking ten pennies,
 13
while clutching a bright red balloon.
 14
“Good morning Mrs. Muldoon.”
 15
He mock swooned,
 16
bowing low, while scraping his shoe
 17
on a lump from the stew
 18
that young  Lonnie threw,
 19
before doing a doo doo.
 20
He was dragged off by Masie,
 21
‘cus he drove us all crazy,
 22
to scream down the walls
 23
of the naughty room.
 24
 
 
 
 
Mummy’s hands,
 25
snow white from baking,
 26
were slow wiped,
 27
sliding down the front of her
 28
“Oh me, oh my, do i love apple pie." pinny.
 29
Skin tight, she gave Kenny a look
 30
that didn’t seem right.
 31
 
 
Her trilling voice shimmered  feathers on Vinnie,
 32
the pet cockatoo, caged in the corner,
 33
“Don’t mind if i doodle doo.” She coo’d.
 34
“How dee do you fuckin' young bastard?”
 35
screeched Vinnie.
 36
 
 
Meanwhile daddy had picked up his chopper,
 37
wriggled through the barbed wire fence,
 38
and was giving it large
 39
barging after the neighbour’s dog,
 40
who had shot down the field,
 41
scattering the moo cows
 42
“Pee’d on his aubergines.” Mummy crooned.
 43
It can’t be denied that on some summer days
 44
things are A.O.K.
 45

14 Jun 12

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Ha! I love the pastoral moments, so descriptive. Some of the rhyming feels unnecessary, as in, you don't really need it, and since not all of the stanza rhyme the rhyming ones feel disjointed from the rest. But otherwise I enjoyed reading this.
 — unknown

This has a Larry the crazy English dude Lark flavor.  
 — Isabelle5

hahahaha!  Another voice in my head!  Good job, Larry.  Your poetry reminds me very much of Seuss, a comical but not elementary type of poetry.
 — Isabelle5

Thanks for the crit unknown dude. I'll discuss your constructive crit over a bowl of bird seed with my pet cockatoo

Larry doodle doo lark
 — larrylark

I'll wager you were you on your second bottle when you penned this, Larry.
Perhaps you were dreaming of a rural scene by Lowry while the whores of rhyme massaged your childhood nostalgia button.
We may never know the truth of it, but you provide an amusing insight into the Muldoon tribe floundering over trifles nonetheless.
Alas, I fear our American cousins will be lost by such vivid detail.
L44 & 45 need to be stronger which suggests to me perhaps you were already tiring of this yourself.
And what next for Mr Hitler, pray tell ~ the phantom editor.
 — unknown

Hi Isabelle ...all i can say is if I'm a crazy dude then i will wear it like a badge of honor with American spelling. I'll take Seuss as a compliment while awaiting fathers day with my usual feverish excitement.

Larry lock down Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Phantom Editor..You know me better than i know myself and yes i was so exhausted by the time a reached 44 and 45 that its a miracle how i now manage to draw my pension

Larry them thar hills Lark
 — larrylark

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 — unknown

Good Afternoon!

I have recently attended a wedding and after 4 painful weeks of wedding gift shopping, I have decided to put together a guide to buying wedding gifts to save others the agony!

I would like to contribute my article to your blog as I am sure that most of your readers would not only enjoy it reading but find it quite useful as everyone is bound to attend a wedding at some point!

I have saved the article inside my google drive:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folde rs/1TboW30WeuykaIfggl6Dv8H71HjF1uGmP?usp=sharing

I am very sorry but I did not have the time to find many images so I would be grateful if you could add some of your own. I did get permission from a UK lingerie company to use some of their banners. Those are included in my Google drive as well.

It would be fab if you could ping me the url of the published post as I would like to show off a little in front of my Facebook friends!

Regards
Tony
 — unknown

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