us two, we are the same
never our desire
and though love bind we, i,
blow my head off oft
25 Jul 12
Rated 10 (5.5) by 1 users.
Inactive (1): 1, 10
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pretty nice. the phrases lay down like they're coming directly out of life, like a jazz theme from the beginning. the sounds in this are tight -- we-i -- muttering -- murmering -- and, then following that with the long 'o' sound in 'blow'. it's a sweet riff. the thing at the end is like a turn, and is maybe going to sound awkward to the prose-heads here, but it's the way poetry ends -- words folding back into themselves.
oft? murmuring. spellcheck much?
inuki-plath, did you delete my comment on your unk crit? it's 'oft', as in shakespere, over loading of 'off' and 'often'. it's how modern-kind poetry is done now.