poetry critical

online poetry workshop

habitual murderings

us two, we are the same
never our desire
and though love bind we, i,
muttering, murmering
blow my head off oft

25 Jul 12

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pretty nice. the phrases lay down like they're coming directly out of life, like a jazz theme from the beginning. the sounds in this are tight -- we-i -- muttering -- murmering -- and, then following that with the long 'o' sound in 'blow'. it's a sweet riff. the thing at the end is like a turn, and is maybe going to sound awkward to the prose-heads here, but it's the way poetry ends -- words folding back into themselves.
 — cadmium

oft? murmuring.  spellcheck much?  
 — unknown

i chuckled
 — mandolyn

inuki-plath, did you delete my comment on your unk crit? it's 'oft', as in shakespere, over loading of 'off' and 'often'. it's how modern-kind poetry is done now.
 — cadmium