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Brazil
Inuki

we used to climb trees
 1
and throw shade,
 2
you pressed leaves to your feet
 3
and splashed your green.
 4
 
 
i walked in—your whiskey spent—
 5
Dropkick Murphy's bagpipes blew;
 6
you had a hard-on for his
 7
Ferris Bueller dance moves.
 8
 
 
when we took the N10 to hell
 9
he pressed his slimy face
 10
against the window,
 11
mouth opened to an O,
 12
engulfing the street
 13
in his astringent saliva.
 14
 
 
you moved continents
 15
to get away,
 16
so why'd you let him call you
 17
Brazil?
 18

6 Mar 13

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
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Comments:

Strong opening two stanzas. S3 is not as muscular but i like line 12 and S4 and conclusion is good. Try and keep 4 line stanzas its a good draft you should be pleased with it.
 — Caducus

Tomorrow is another day,
But morning is still miles away.
What do you care care what I say?
Return I will
To this Brazil.
 — onklcrispy

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