poetry critical

online poetry workshop


we used to climb trees
and throw shade,
you pressed leaves to your feet
and splashed your green.
i walked in—your whiskey spent—
Dropkick Murphy's bagpipes blew;
you had a hard-on for his
Ferris Bueller dance moves.
when we took the N10 to hell
he pressed his slimy face
against the window,
mouth opened to an O,
engulfing the street
in his astringent saliva.
you moved continents
to get away,
so why'd you let him call you

6 Mar 13

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (1): 8, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(260 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Strong opening two stanzas. S3 is not as muscular but i like line 12 and S4 and conclusion is good. Try and keep 4 line stanzas its a good draft you should be pleased with it.
 — Caducus

Tomorrow is another day,
But morning is still miles away.
What do you care care what I say?
Return I will
To this Brazil.
 — onklcrispy

Recent Best (expand)