poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Hazy Heart
sahibtorun

This is spoken word poem

100%
 1
I perform multi-task on my Samsung
 2
Youtube playing Maroon 5's daylight
 3
loading facebook on the other
 4
The first feed that pops up is my ex
 5
The music fuses with the moment
 6
Here I am staring
 7
at your profile pic of perfection.
 8
Why do I
 9
keep holding on?
 10
I take a deep breath.
 11
I feel the ash of the angsana tree
 12
Lingering in my lungs
 13
I must have brought the haze to Singapore
 14
To cover up the smell of my aching heart
 15
 
 
88%
 16
I am having Oat Meal for breakfast
 17
I sprinkle in some raisins
 18
add chucks of Banana
 19
It is difficult to juggle looking at cute boys phone
 20
while talking to your colleagues in the pantry
 21
My instagram is an endless stream of topless men
 22
I have no privacy screen
 23
Davey Wavey in a Speedo with the caption
 24
I love you will all my ass
 25
Rene Mayo in photograph
 26
By Aidan Yeoh
 27
Nong Earn chiseled body
 28
Carved on the cover of Attitude
 29
Just the right amount of energy I need to start my day.
 30
 
 
73%
 31
It has begun.
 32
Leticia is making Haze jokes on Tweeter
 33
How to Make Smoke Salmon
 34
Step 1: Go Shengsiong buy a Salmon
 35
Step 2: Put It outdoors
 36
Step 3: Enjoy your smoked Salmon
 37
Korea has Psy
 38
USA has Jay-Z
 39
Singapore has PSI and Hay-Z
 40
Indo Adele sings
 41
‘But I fire to the Rainforest’
 42
An argument sparks on facebook
 43
The online citizen has screenshot of NEA trying to hide the truth
 44
My friends post formulas on how to calculated the hourly PSI
 45
We check JB’s AQI readings to confirm the conspiracy
 46
The underground ring starts betting on how high the PSI would go
 47
Stop complaining about the stupid haze?
 48
Post my friend from Jurong
 49
I type a long reply
 50
On how I am not affect by the haze.
 51
On how I have many friends and family that a suffering.
 52
On how I am worried and all I can do is voice my opinion.
 53
On how it is time for our bleached colored leaders to step up and lead.
 54
I stare a my reply.
 55
I did not press send.
 56
I do not have to win all the battles
 57
 
 
41%
 58
I forgot to bring my charger.
 59
I convince myself I will be ok
 60
 
 
30%
 61
I am on the train
 62
my best friend tells me abt her promotion.
 63
I am happy for her.
 64
But I want to do is
 65
slip my hand into my pocket
 66
take out my phone
 67
and check my whatapp msges.
 68
I should tell her
 69
you tweet about your promotions
 70
So I can favorite it
 71
retweet it
 72
and Trend it
 73
#happyforyou
 74
#greatjob
 75
#wearethechampions
 76
But what I should really be trending is
 77
#bepresent
 78
 
 
15%
 79
At dinner
 80
I tell my Indonesia friend.
 81
Please tell your government to stop burning the forest
 82
He says
 83
what makes you think they will listen to me.
 84
We both gave a knowing laughter
 85
We shake hands
 86
I instagram a picture of both us
 87
add the X-Pro filter to make
 88
it look somewhat professional
 89
tag queensparkles85
 90
Add the captions
 91
Doing my part to improve bilateral ties
 92
 
 
 
 
10%
 93
Facebook seem to have written its final chapter of the day
 94
9
 95
Tweeter must have flown back to its roost
 96
8
 97
The instagram D’orsay has no new exhibitions.
 98
7
 99
there is no new feed to quench my connection.
 100
6
 101
My hand begin to shake.
 102
5
 103
Reality whispering in my ear
 104
4
 105
I tell my brain to shut up
 106
3
 107
My heart pumps louder to fill the void
 108
2
 109
I brace for impact
 110
1%
 111
I take a deep breath
 112
I feel the ash of the angsana tree
 113
Lingering in my lung
 114
And with this final breath I tweet
 115
To the boy who will never see this feed
 116
#Iloveyou
 117

10 Jul 13

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
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Comments:

i like the idea. i would probably shorten it myself but that is upto you. nice hashtag ending, i would probably get rid of the other ones in the poem though and leave the final one for a stronger ending. very original poem otherwise.
 — raskolniikov

yeh, i like the original thought that saw and made this poem. great short story.
 — jenn

Thx raskolniikov...I understand that its a bit long for a poem...but its jus nice 4mins long
I try to intro all the social app so that I can use them in the ending

Thx jenn for your comments
 — sahibtorun

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