|i stepped on a butterfly to prove i'm not sweet
i won't touch the garden
it smells like ladies who play bridge
the lawn is sick, so i spit on it
i'm saving up for rocks
"look at the birds" the hippies say
â€“i'd rather eat them
gasps begin circling my ears
"oh, she's just kidding"
my mother says
but one person laughs
he is a cowboy
his beard could lasso this room
rot in hell!
to the bees
they buzz around me like i am their queen
give me a jar and i'll put you to sleep
i glare at them
hoping they'll sting
when the day ends and i rip off my dress
frantically grabbing my jeans,
i walk to the garden
the jasmine's asleep
my boot slowly presses its grave
this soil is dust
the sun is a creep
i want thunder and cactus
6 Aug 13
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i love this! it's bordering on Evil but it's really just a cross Mary before she got her very own secret garden. all she needs is something/someone to take care of :)
Rather wandering in theme, these barbs against polite convention. Although the strong stark images hold ones attention.
it's a sequel to my other one 'i wont talk to weeds'
the language of flowers is neat. every single one has a meaning.
jasmine is key here.
^ oops, wrong order. there are three. a trilogy of sorts. the first is 'i wont talk to weeds' the second is 'stuffed moods and growing you' then there is this.
i'm still fiddling with all of them, pondering a 4th. but my brain feels sick today.
VERY nice! I LOVE L's 2 & 24 the most! Just a couple of suggestions for sonic's sake:
In L's 10, something's not right syntax-wise. Is it "person" or "person's laughs?" Not sure, If I were you, I'd write "one person laughs." ...
Finally, in L28, I'd dump the "and" and do a line break at 27 so "weeds" stand alone. :-)
Sorry! I meant LINE 10, not LINES 10! Busy at work and bouncing between a database screen and Poetry Critical! :-O
thanks for pointing out L10 starr. it was a glitch.
:-) No prob. Love it!
Last part really made this for me. Well done
thanks rocket. sometimes i just want nothingness. i want to be alone and i want the sun to go away and i want storms and thunder and strong wind. i want to walk in it and follow it.
and the desert is so beautiful, nobody understands why i think it is. i don't understand how they think it isn't.
evil but honest. got it half right.
it's just a butterfly... when i was a kid i hunted them and picked them up by their wings.. they left that fuzzy color on my finger tips. i'm pretty sure i let them go. i'm not THAT mean. :)
you seem mean
you don't know me
you seem afraid
^ see what i mean :(
^ lol, how in the world am i being mean? you do sound afraid- you sound like you are extremely sensitive. you don't even know me. why are you so serious? is it the poem? does the title offend you?
the hippies.. is that it?
it's a poem. it's not a threat to butterflies. read my comment to rocket- that explains it all.
You are sweet. Your poetry lets us see the other side you cannot show in real life because you know it's rotten.
Forget that barnacle up there. =)
^ thanks, that was sweet of you to say so, but i'm not as sweet as i'd like to be. i want to be a gentle spirited woman who wakes up at the crack of dawn every day to make her family breakfast, spend time with God in those wee hours of the 'morn.
but i can barely get myself out of bed in the morning and we have like 20 boxes of cereal in the pantry. so i make breakfast for dinner a lot to make up for my 'not a morning person' excuse.
You don˙FFFFFFE2€˙FFFFFF99t have prescription for allemagne cialis but need to get one?