poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Harvard Girl
unknown

i hate being pasty, she said.
 1
don't want to be a ghost.
 2
unperfused. bland.
 3
i want to be bronze and
 4
glowing. luminous.  not jaundiced
 5
or tarred.   Exotic
 6
but without any baggage.  
 7
so that i am craved as being different
 8
but not too different. Nuanced.
 9
Caucasian still
 10
just with a hint of color
 11
but not enough to be
 12
a colored girl.
 13

26 Sep 13

Rated 10 (9.6) by 4 users.
Active (4): 1, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

wonderful.
 — unknown

I like your use of the full stop . in this.

There's some good edits, making it a good re-post.

I really like the unusual word 'unperfused'. That is a great descriptive of the image.

Good stuff, a good read.
 — jenn

collared
 — unknown

Reminds me i need to get a tan
 — unknown

is this about the woman in nj
 — unknown

is this about shifting identify?
 — unknown

so good.
 — unknown

Awesone
 — unknown

I'm not comfortable with either terms "Harvard-Girl" or "Colored Girl," though the poem is well crafted.  It's not "political correctness" either, but a lifetime of familiarity with both--and often both are the same. This makes it seem like "Harvard girl" is a pasty "white girl."
 — unknown

Hmmmmm...interesting and colorful or color-LESS.  Which one, I wonder.  I'm not feeling the title after reading this.  What I AM FEELING, is the awesome array of wordings you've got goin' on 2 support the wish of the poem's subject.  Think some more on this "color" and avoid words like "colored," if this makes sense.  The REAL COLOR will come through carefully selected words and how you paint with them.  It's on its way 2 greatness though.  Keep at it.  You're 95% there! :-)
 — starr

Poem reflects language typically of the elite and hypocrisy thereof quietly camouflaged under linguistic gymnastics
 — unknown

love it!
 — unknown

browngirlsindaring
 — unknown

how many titles did you rummage through before you got chose this one? "harvard girl" starts with, "i hate being, but fuck that! let's negotiate." this is 'yale girl'... exploit the differences and cut a deal.

the weakness in this as writing starts with 'she said.' that's a good story-start, but 'not jaundiced' is a new paragraph... too many resonances in 'jaundiced' -- jaundice is bright yellow or overly sated/sophisticated. doesn't she just beg to be taken seriously as a sophisticate? maybe if you took out line two all together -- just go from 'pasty' to 'jaundiced' -- and, then give her something smart to glow with -- that's more harvard -- something intellectual to glow about: "i wanna be a luminous angel in the eye of some junior lawyer, so's i can lay him and never return his calls..." just being 'bronze' means being a statue seen in a survey class, not a beach bunny... not something you can easily get with money... but, that's the point of incipient plutocracy, something you can get with someone else's money... like your own island.
 — cadmium

f off
 — unknown

The best
 — unknown

Nol sol
 — unknown

Soso
 — unknown

Maybe the Harvard gal wants to be Valley girl with more than a smidgen of rogue
 — lucion

Id take out 'the' before baggage.
 — 4st7lb

Xxx
 — unknown

Nice take on white privilege.
 — violet

not harvard girl, a valley girl or just any white trash girl who has no privilege at all except 'i'm white'. harvard girls want to turn that around and make everyone free.
 — cadmium

A lost classic
 — Rossant

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

Awesome poetry. Thanks. crazy games
 — unknown

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