poetry critical

online poetry workshop

"you work in a women's halfway house?"

"do you fuck them?"
i notice
curve's a curve
ass moon thrust
uganda to
des moines
you have to understand
most of these women
have been out in the tundra
pulling hard duty
like russian tanks
from the age of thirteen
often younger
we're talking
eighty-five percent
aileen wuornos
around here
don't get me wrong
i've got a little squirt gun
glued to my undercarriage
overriding judiciousness
just like the rest of you
but unlike the rest of you
i'd go to prison
and be on the sex offender registry
for life
if i let one of them
suck me off
behind the shed
in the smoke yard
or bent one of them
over the water heater
in the utility closet
what i'm telling you
i meditate
twenty minutes
every day
before i go to work
i duct tape
my squirt gun
to my taint.
if that doesn't work
i go into the bathroom
jack off
and wash my hands
like any other

25 Nov 13

Rated 10 (8.9) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (12): 1, 1, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

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The crass language pairs well with the stark imagery of this piece.  Lines 42-45 have me wincing, and the poem has a great ending. Well done.
 — SilverGirl

I concur with what SilverGirl has said.  Awesome, raw, "street" writing.  That's the true magick of this piece!  :-)
 — starr

lol. Makes sense.
 — unknown

your writing is too obvious. this is all about trying too hard to write and mean something when you do.

boring. dull. obvious.
 — unknown

^    jealous.  envious.   obviously.
 — unknown

obvious really. most of his poems are about the lowest common denominator and dressing it up before pulling your pants down at the end.
 — unknown

i agree this isn't that great of a poem.  i had justin over for a slice of pecan pie the other day, he said he was just starting to experiment with writing about his job.  a raw clumsy
experiment.  i think he would agree.
 — unknown

love how supporters of a particular poem will always accuse a detractor of being jealous or envious.
this is poor writing with only one real and quite boring element in it. if justin is so fascinated with his own penis perhaps he needs to get a new hobby?
 — unknown

and really, every poem of his is the same. just different words.
 — unknown

exactly what the first two said- this is stark raw magic writing. honesty or for shock?
who cares, it's good.
you know it's true!

glad this one popped up on the home page just now.
i normally don't pay attention to the random poems that pop up, but this one caught my eye.
probably because the first line would catch any eyeball
because everyone is startled by the word fuck.
some are just ashamed to admit. :)
 — mandolyn

"Fuck " mandolyn
a question
a statement
and imperative
and exclamation
 — unknown

why don't you shut up and fave this poem so Hyde can draw a fourth line
on the wall of his cell.

 — mandolyn

Great piece.
 — dannyprice