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i want to peer over an ageless chasm
mandolyn

i could go for some uphill climbing,
 1
sense of falling, don't look down
 2
kind of trip right now
 3
 
 
stuff a cave with my face,
 4
wait for the bats to introduce themselves
 5
and have a picnic
 6
in a crevice, somewhere orange
 7
and red and cringing all over...
 8
 
 
demand my nails to break
 9
when i grip a rock wall
 10
 
 
then sleep inside a moon husk
 11
above the eye of twilight
 12
and dream about the rush of midnight
 13
indian file
 14
behind a storm
 15

3 Feb 14

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (2): 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

have you ever drank shroom tea?
 — unknown

the word trip set me off. kind of trippy poem
 — unknown

it's so pretty.
 — unknown

i love it all. the first stanza, and the second, and the rest of it especially
 — unknown

^ sylvia? is that you? ..... sylll viii uhh
 — mandolyn

thanks, 2nd and third unknown. i meant every word of it.
 — mandolyn

lol all three of those comments were me...i just kept reading it. i meant to say the first and second stanza are my favorite.
 — sylvia

1 john 4:7-8
Anyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Whoever does not love, does not know God because God is love.
 — unknown

The last stanza is especially beautiful. Definitely deserves the 10 rating.
 — PatriciaSan

thanks, silly sylvia. :)

thanks, patricia. i was inspired by a picture i saw on FB. i am a fan of 'road trips' and 'living off the grid' so i see all kinds of great escapes or hide outs or majestic mountain top.

^^ good verse. ?
 — mandolyn

Nice final stanza.  "Moon husk above the eye of twilight" is stunning.  I wonder if some sort of punctuation would clarify the first stanza a little.  Is it an uphill-climbing-sense-of-falling-don't-look-down kind of trip?  Or maybe an up hill climbing, sense of falling, don't look down kind of trip (treating each phrase as an adjective)? Also, maybe you want "goosebumps as your map while" you hoof a canyon.  I always like one word where three will do.  I enjoyed reading this one.
 — akiikii

^ i thought about that- adjoining them, but decided not to.
maybe i should. thanks for your suggestions, i like them :)
 — mandolyn

i asked my husband to read this and he acted annoyed like he does with all my poetry.
what gives!? it's about a freaking landscape and how i want to go there.

oh wait... maybe it sounds like i am not content or happy here. does it? i don't see that- i just see a girl who is ready to visit a different sky and different dirt. opening line just sounds like someone who is craving something, not a permanent change. (however, i'd love to move us all somewhere with more land and less people) ;)
 — mandolyn

^ I mo thuairimse, a chuid an bhfíric go bhfuil tú smacht ar rud éigin nach bhfuil I gceist aige. Ní dóigh liom go bhfuil sé rud ar bith a dhéanamh le do chuid filíochta, Mandee. Ba mhaith liom geall tú buidéal Jack loves sé do chuid scríbhinn
 — unknown

Also,Deep Joy by Isaac Shephard. I know it sounds gay but try it
 — unknown

^^ tá sé curtha i ndáiríre taitneamhach-fiú affectionate agus comhchineáil. :)

^love that, thanks
 — mandolyn

16-18,THIS is what I'm talking about. I read this awhile back and remained silent. No need to shout what I think.

DAMN!

Makes me want to buy back my boat, backpack across Utah, Nevada, hell, makes me want to buy a damn mule and build a house in the backwoods of the Smoky Mountains, Costa Rica, Brazil. I need to sail first, get wet before I get dirty. Shit, that reminds me,my visa expired.
 — yield

the only visa i have is the devil.
i need a card that tells other people i can come in!

seriously, i need to experience a plane sometime. i know what asphalt feels like and that's always nice too. you know all this...
time's up!
 — mandolyn

Yes I do know. Wish I could take ya.
 — unknown

Incidentally I have been ordering top ten personal loan lenders and Cialis not for the first month.  
 — unknown

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