poetry critical

online poetry workshop



beLoved - a valenTines poement
AlchemiA

To kiss the beloved with the same
 1
kiss in which the beloved kisses me
 2
and in that kiss, mingle our mystery –
 3
Oh, our Hearts know this,
 4
Love attracts Love
 5
is the secret of the kiss –
 6
 
 
in the Garden of Hearts where Love grows,
 7
you and I and we are unnecessary distinctions -
 8
let us be this empty yearning together,
 9
this ancient ache of longing,
 10
the heart a compass pointing to where,
 11
Love is the goal, I'll meet you there –
 12

7 Feb 14

Rated 9 (7.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (2): 3, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(39 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Your imagery is banal, overused and unimaginative, it is an observation and criticism about your work and not an attack on you yourself. Ask yourself, "Can I do better than this?" You will already have answered your question.
 — annotating60

well yes -- and your critique is without merit as you've not done your homework -- ask yourself what do you know of my body of work and you'll see your answer -- critique rating 2 out of 10
 — AlchemiA

This is reminiscent, almost derivative of the 19th century Romantics. This is so very Wordsworthian. I find it complimentary to the nature of his style. Love in general is a maudlin emotion, so I think it's in love's best interest that it be  represented in the proper light. Love can be veiled, metaphored, allegorized, and idealized. But in the end it's inherently sappy and sentimental. I enjoyed this as it was meant to be, full of lovely sap.
 — NadCloutier

Indeed, NadCloutier, it's reminiscent of the Indian Bhajans which idealizes the beloved as Guruji, the Master, whom is divinely blessed in the bliss of realization, and who transmits that which cannot be spoken of, but which is also heard as the language of the soul; the voice which talks shall not have your heart, neither shall you  hear this uncommonest of tongues, for the language of the 'soul' is silence; yet you'll know when you're unspoken, you'll feel it divine, Peace is that wordless cry...
 — AlchemiA

alch attack!
it's very kissy n stuff. :)
 — mandolyn

Saint Augustine wrote simply of this kind of Love:

Man is what he loves.
If he loves a stone he is a stone;
If he loves a man he is a man;
If he loves God--I dare not say more,
for if I said that he would then be God,
     ye might stone me!

-- St. Augustine
 — AlchemiA

not sure about the 1st strophe
but 7-12 is $$.
 — JKWeb

what I want love to look like in a looking-glass that sees both ways
 — AlchemiA

beLoved speaks of emptiness, yet these words belie it, and even begin to fill it

hot dog!
 — looniverse

0.474s