| December 2 '03
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madderhatter
| Air of the chill, | 1 |
colder and colder. | 2 |
Still of the dark | 3 |
beginning to smolder, | 4 |
Breathe my breaths fallingdown your shoulders. | 5 |
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Kisses brushing pass our sighs, | 6 |
let the stare soften your eyes, | 7 |
while my silk slips about your sides. | 8 |
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Still of the air around my waist. | 9 |
Keeping the look, | 10 |
facing the pace, | 11 |
grip of the blues, | 12 |
the soft of your face, | 13 |
glaze of the pearl, | 14 |
its syrpy taste. | 15 |
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Up on the paisley, | 16 |
the smoothest sin. | 17 |
Take the wheel | 18 |
Slide in. | 19 |
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Sipping the gin | 20 |
abd groping my win. | 21 |
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I'll be the yin. | 22 |
You be my yang | 23 |
let it go, | 24 |
let it hang | 25 |
as hot as a song swirling | 26 |
digging fangs. | 27 |
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Twirling the hair, | 28 |
reaching for air | 29 |
and catchin your stare. | 30 |
Have me here, take me now. | 31 |
I've finally been found. | 32 |
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4 Jun 04 |
Rated 10 (9.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 8, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(101 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
You left a nice comment and a good rating on one of my poems ('Silence') recently so I figured I would repay the favor.
I really like this and the way it flows. Sometimes rhyme is good, but not always. I think you've done a pretty good job of keeping it relatively simple and not overdoing the rhyme. Here's just a couple minor errors...
L8- should be either "your" or "our." Not sure which one you meant.
L15- "syrupy"
L30- "for?"
Overall, very nice. 8
— LifeSucks
nicey done
— unknown
Oooo sexual. hot
— unknown
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