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Stopping Point

Man steps from Argos store
smart uniform,hat,
glossy shoes and
like the light of Pharos,
here was one who never
shirked;shining his torch
with a beaming smile
into every pile of dirt.
Green bucket,brush, shovel,
ready for action,alert.
The crowd parted a fraction,
he forced his way through.
"Whats this i 'erd
about some exotic bird?
someone round 'ere consumin'
narcotics?"He sniffed the air,
cocked one eye,Kentucky Fried
Chicken sign reflected in his
polished badge and peak.
"Its foaming at the beak officer."
He preened ,looked down.
Fragile antique old lady
pale as alabaster gazed up.
"He was hopping round disabled
parking space;such a sad little
face. I gave him some of my
Stanley's budgie seed, he fell
over straight after his feed."
All the healthy citizens
rippled like hardboard
in a storm"Ave you got no 'omes
to go to?"He picked up the bird,
prised open its jaws
blew into its mouth,
shook it about,then a
sudden stiff breeze sent it
fluttering high above the crowd.
"Ee aint coming down
in no hurry"
Fly birdy fly to Spain,
Japan, Singapore, Italy, Bahrain,
don't be like Stanley stuck in a cage.
Fly high above Matalan,
Cash and Carry, Pizza Parlour,
be like a ship
go find youir harbour.
The people melted away.
The old lady tottered to
the bus stop, bird seed
trailing from broken bag.
The uniformed man brushed his
hands down his trousers.
A feather floated to the floor
and was run over by
a four door saloon
manouevering into the
disabled parking space
without a sticker.

5 Jun 04

Rated 9 (8.5) by 1 users.
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did you mean pharoah on line 3?
 — unknown

I think this poet refers to the Lighthouse at Pharos - one of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World - Pharoahs wouldn't make sense.  
 — unknown

l12 - I expected this to rhyme with 'alert' because of the whole 'action/fraction' thing.  I had to stop and go back a couple of times before I could go on.
l14 - 'bout?  Seems like it would fit the speech pattern better.
ll40-46 seem like they should be in quotations.  As if someone is shouting up to the bird.
I really want to say that this is too long, but I can't.  I love the ending (l56 maneuvering)
I think that you have some very subtle rhyme in here that either needs to be consistent throughout or done away with altogether.  It seemed to be the only thing distracting me while I was reading.  I love this original idea and the way you gave life to the different characters.  
I won't say anything about the line breaks because, well, that's just your style and I can understand it better now that I've read more of your work.  :)
 — amy

Oh, the language in this poem made me miss being in England so much.  I love the ending, very clever with the four door saloon.  The length of this kind of wore me out, though.  I like the narrative, but think it would hold the readers attention better if it were shaved down a little.  But that could also be because I am very sleepy right now.
 — akiikii

Thanks for you thoughtful and analytical reply.I'm so pleased you like some of the things i write and always reply in such a concerned and courteous fashion.

your poetic pal

 — larrylark

Dear Amy

Thanks for the reply ,which i'll try to follow to the letter ,trouble is my letters keep getting lost in the post .It means a lot when you give me such detailed advice
 — larrylark

Larry ~*
this is a fantastic poem, I love the way you make them talk with imperfect grammar but the reader still understands what they're saying.  It was a little long but it was worth the read. I like the last few lines, too.  Actually I just like all of it. Very good job with this :-)
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

I don't know to this day where this poem came from but i'm pretty sure it was delivered by carrier pigeon.
 — larrylark

Is everything you write so profound?
 — midare

everything british is profound

my favourite kind of larry british poem
 — kaleidazcope

Dear Kaleidazcope

I feel that way about all things British and Britains people,deeply and mysteriously profound and an endless source of poetic material. I guess though it could be said about anywhere in the profoundly mysterious world.

Larry wide eyed Lark
 — larrylark