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How To Write a College Entry Essay

(and other things you should know)
When writing your college essay,
remember these few tips:
They care not what you learned—
but what you’ve DONE.
As you consider where to apply,
make sure that you send away
to all the places that your mother
wished she had gone,
so that she can live vicariously through you…
Talk about how you were student body president,
how you volunteered at all of the PTA’s craft shows
Mention that you played in the Orchestra, Symphonic Band, sang in the Girls’ Choir
and sat in on Jazz Band
when the baritone sax guy was sick.
Don’t forget about the National Honor Society
or the time you went on a bottle drive to pay for band camp & got bit by a dog.
Tell them about the four years you worked props
on the school play
although you really wanted to be out on the stage.
While you’re at it, you could tell ‘em what a team player you are--
be sure to include all the sports that you played…
Tell them how Todd Windham took your virginity under the bleachers
the night of the homecoming dance
your sophomore year.
I suppose they’d enjoy hearing
about how they nominated
you for homecoming queen
with the “smelly guy” from homeroom as king,
just cuz they thought it was funny.
You may as well mention the salutatorian
from the year before
who blew his brains out in your friends’ bathroom
and your true love that died
a week before your senior prom.
Last but not least, don’t forget
to tell them about all the things you aspire to do
after you abort the fatherless child in your womb.
Make your Ms. America speech
about how you plan to save the world.
Then, when you’re finished . . .
Don’t forget your conclusion!
Any well-constructed essay needs its
concluding paragraph.
Mrs. Smith would turn in her English-teacher grave if you forgot your conclusion!

10 Jun 04

Rated 7 (7.8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (6): 3, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9

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The beat of line 5 does not go with the lines prior to it. Also, the capitalization of the word "done" does not seem to do anything for the line so best leave it in lowercase, I think. There are so many lines here that require trimming. But enjoyed the irony in it. But it's lacking in imagery, somehow. It's basically just rhetorics, and I can see the poet's hand moving me to a certain direction in the entire piece. For poetry, it should be more discreet. But all in all, it looked promising.
 — unknown

Promising with a THREE.  Thanx.
 — aforbing

aforbing, funny!

 — unknown

aforbing i cant believe it's you.  i dont have too much good to say about it except that the title sounded promising.  it's long, boring, not worth the wait.  doesnt really go anywhere.  cynical for no reason.  not poetic.  i mean, i guess it was a bad poetry day for you.  i would never have thought you wrote this.  if you wrote it in high school, that might be something, but i can tell you didnt.  and even then...
 — unknown

I liked this poem...ignoring the previous comments, I liked the way you described the things that this person went through throughout their life..because I can kind of relate to some of them.. I cant put my finger on just what it is, but I like something about this poem a lot. Good job, 9
 — mama

This is a dark little ironic piece that I think will mellow in my head upon multiple readings.  Droll and clever.  Not thrilled with the last line but that's just me.
 — Isabelle5

I agree with Isabelle. "...if you forgot your conclusion!" just didn't seem good enough of a "conclusion" after such an enjoyable read. I think you can pick your brilliant brain and come up with something even better Aforbing. But overall, this gave made me smile while reading it more than once, and I enjoyed it. (I had no idea it was yours the first time I read it.)
 — Jsmiles05

Please don't change it, I like the inconclusive conclusion.  I think that it fits the content and mood of the poem perfectly.  
 — akiikii

You've got some really mixed reviews for this one.  Up for another one?  :)

I love the irony in this.  It totally sums up what every resume, interview and first date is.  Like you're going to tell someone all of the horrible things that you have done in your life.  Everything is just candy coated, politician style.  I am so into the honesty of this.  I think this should be duplicated and given out to every high school freshman so that they can think about it, ponder it throughout their years in high school.  I know that I would have given this type of thing a lot of thought and made some different choices.  I know that may sound kind of stupid, but I really would have.  On to the critique....

l3 - I think it should just say 'these tips', not these 'few' tips.  You give one tip immediately that applies to actually 'writing' the essay and then go on.  I think by removing the word 'few' my feeling of wanting more would be resolved.

l12 - should there be a period at the end here?

l15 - this may be a good place to add another set of parenthesis.

l21-25 - so, did you take one for the 'team' by sleeping with Todd?  Is that what this is implying?

You say 'conclusion' too many times at the end.  I feel like I'm being 'concluded' to death!    l41 says 'when you're finished' which means conclusion...and then you actually use the word several times.  I don't think that the rest of it really needs anything, but the end I would try to condense and make as terrific as the rest of it.
 — amy

I disagree
with the haters
and give it
a nine
because it's real
and i get it
 — noodleman

 — lillas

you suck
 — unknown

another trite essay dressed up as a poem for special effect
 — unknown

mint... love it, bobby xx
 — Bobby