poetry critical

online poetry workshop



other than child soldiers
hank

yes they you
 1
will any will do?
 2
kids
 3
in the end
 4
are quite boring
 5

2 Jun 15

Rated 6.3 (9) by 3 users.
Active (3): 1, 8, 10, 10
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you said nothing
 — bowiegirl

possibly...but i keep rereading it, and i don't think so...when i reread it, i say...'ouch';
so, possibly you're right...but i don't think so...
 — hank

also 'bowiegirl'...why is 'technical' writing the 'exact opposite' of poetry? what the fuck does that shit mean?
(you see, your trite off handish comment got me thinkin')
anyway, cute pic..
i used to live off lakeshore drive...oakland
 — hank

Hank, it means you're becoming aphasic. Technical writing can't mimic human writing. Poetry is both dynamic and emblematic. It dances to dance steps stepped before  the dance.

this is poetry and way better than mine. I want  to say that -- you know what an egotistical and jealous of your hero - normal trip, so you can imagine how much it costs me to say this.  But, it's true.
 — cadmium

This plays the folk poem thing and then fucks it with the dual-consciousness flip in one-two. It's an n - dimensions grammar for a non-conventional reality: your intuition. If the Clark Kents could just understand what you've done they'd stop writing obituaries and calling it tit-sucks.

poetry is real.
 — cadmium

hank is cad
 — bowiegirl

That would be unrealistic and kind of creepy for me. I like being into guys and being able to get drunk or stoned only on music.
 — cadmium

no he's not, bowiegirl.

i know this because i agree with him. you're pretty. lovely eyes. :-)

but, i'm sorry about the poem, hank, I've read better.

i'm stuck on the "yes they you" part.
 — PollyReg

isn't that a good thing?
thought it a nice first line...
 — hank

anyway...ya'all say what you want and what you will...i find this a phenomenal poem. for some reason...
 — hank

It is perfect for for anyone who's  reading this as poetry. She's just too busy to read this out loud and find its rhythm.

ay, carumba.
 — cadmium

yeah...this a good one
 — hank

i'm not responding to cadmium...i was talking to myself (when i said 'yeah, tis a good one')
 — hank

i'm not responding to anyone in this comments system. i'm just typing things to make myself look good.

its an interesting rest. really.

very economic use of vocabulary in this poem. :-)
 — PollyReg

and thusly, this poem CANNOT be about me. cos i'm full interesting. just ask me.

I would like it better if the title was just "child soldiers".
 — PollyReg

It isn't about child soldiers, Polly. It is saying all other kids are dull.
 — akiikii

p'raps -

but child soldiers
yes they me...

seeeee

kids are bubby cutie goats and in the end quite boring. plus they eat everything except erroneous assumption....
 — PollyReg

I still say it says nothing. And somehow that's a criticism to some but it doesn't have to be. I did give it a ten. Think about it, just think...
 — bowiegirl

I "think" there is beauty in being allowed individual opinion and or expression  :-)  even if its about a two minute thought or somebodies pretty photo...

:-)
 — PollyReg

oh haaay ;)
 — bowiegirl

caught that you were digging your own work. that's so very cool when you know your work is going to live forever.
 — cadmium

yikes
 — hank

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