poetry critical

online poetry workshop

what if I were what I'm becoming

Heron casually spiraled a thermal
                     high into the sky to follow the setting Sun
while 3 Osprey circled upward faster on their way
           over Saturna toward Maine.
-- a l'il yellow Rufus hummingbird excited her love beats
on the air darting now here and now there,
     and then she's gone in just that moment
                                                   I became aware
that she was winking in and out of one brighter world
             winging towards the next.
-- later a brown garter snake swirled her scales 'round
the lotus seated bust of buddha boy's brown metal feet.
-- the following day a Sea lion shuddered out a honking growl
while a gray whale slid under the Sea right in front of me...

║║╔║║╔╗ ║ string of pearls
╠╣╠║║║║ ║
║║╚╚╚╚╝ O -- ?¿
everyone feels like a monster sometimes

2 Jul 15

Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (4): 9, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(39 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


wonderful! a poem I will want to read many times over. Charming.
 — unknown

kick-ass poem
 — JKWeb

Just as a man still is what he always was, so he already is what he will become.

~Carl Jung, CW 11, Para 390.
 — unknown

If you want to shit at ease
put your elbows on your knees.

Bart Simpson, CW 491, Para 362.
 — unknown

gotta' love Bart's cynikal and often stupid, but nonetheless Human, realism :)
 — AlchemiA

my harvard roommates (because lawyers... useless) used to write things like this when they 'had to write a poem'. it's kind of like a cardboard package with cheese -- whenever you start to try to figure why it was written it turns into crumbly cheese. it's just too self-reflective and self-defining as 'good' -- like those little gospel cards saying wise things everyone has to already know to get-- instead of being the heron you become this guy watching a heron... and, what good is that? we know what 'man watching bird' looks like, but we don't know what heron watching man looks like. that would be the true loss of self and freedom from being you.

this is like a little album of postcards where any image could be renamed to something else and it would work just as well as 'nature'.
 — cadmium

regardless, they're postcards from the Sky and carry the point-of-view that we've always all-ways knew, that whatever we look at and dare to see, is another entity looking back at you and me -- and whether or not this is common or clear we are and always have been made up of the joy of life and the natural consequences of being separate down here.... and yes, I think they're cute puppies too
 — AlchemiA

no, the postcards are the rug, or they're the mattress or the carpet on the back side of the moon, or the surface of a flat lollypop melting into a potato souffle, or the surface of the indian ocean....

all we've got is 'flat' at this point. and all the flat joins to everything on a wrestling mat grinding into more flat and there's no transfer, no all-aboard or watch your head. the top of the roof loves you. what loves love?  
 — cadmium

 — listen