poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Solar Power

Silver dust scatters
into a glittering arc.
Snowball grasped in sky.

29 Aug 15

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(define the words in this poem)

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brief yet the image is full and clear. the image of the sky makes the poem more open + wintery than it already is.
 — memelover

So you've got the concept of what you want to say. I think you can do a lot more with L1. Where is the silver dust? Is it hung in the air, like saw-dust? Is it inside a building? Is it outside in a field? How does it scatter, aside from the short and straight-forward verse to insinuate sense of time and immediacy. The lyric is too arbitrary and skeleton-like for the reader to flesh out with senses. You are missing the intrinsic qualia(had to use it)of the moment you seek to capture.
 — penandpaper

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