poetry critical

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a guy she told to suck eggs
hank

he said 'don't be no obama'
 1
we walked and all i remember
 2
is this girl turning round
 3
 
 
she says...(i don't remember)
 4
she turns round yells...(don't know)
 5
but she defends me, and that boy
 6
 
 
scared way by her, and away
 7
the idiot is now a bit behind
 8
he say's 'don't bring no drama'
 9
 
 
she i see defending me, man!
 10
(i'm walking away during)
 11
i can believe and smile, wow!
 12

1 Dec 15

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
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Comments:

:-/

jay z?

not bad, sort of rappy. l11 is nice.
 — unknown

very nice, nice poetry writing. it's not rap, it's poetry and poetry is hard to write, and rap is just cloney.

so, why is this poetry? because it bends the phrases and makes the reader stay alert to the consciousness of the author -- look to watch where the piece is going, why it means something.

besides, anything that makes me want to write too is fine by me.
 — cadmium

So you think rap is easy to write, Cadmium?
 — ARedLetter

yes, it's very easy. it's hard to write good rap, but anything good is hard to write. i've done poetry slams. don't get cocky, kid.
 — cadmium

no likey.  no good.
 — unknown

My favorite part is the second stanza how you wrote in not remembering! Great! It really made this poem clever!
 — imisterpoet

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