poetry critical

online poetry workshop

it's valentine's day, bill

long distance romance is like jizzing
in a cup; how sterile we've become. my lips
once plump, have shrunk like a heart letting go
of its love; my thoughts
fed to tunnelling worms as i toe the sheets
searching for a clammy lump;
something like you,
years ago when you were sodden,
swelled as a gizzard.
we skulled the decanter
with perfectly steeped spleens
and a side of fava beans—
i spelled out fishhook and smash-mouth
wearing a bruise made from one-
hundred percent chianti.
i held my breath before sinking
between the tea bags;
another cramp in my left ventricle
as you crushed me in that sickening fold.
the yellow stain of your silhouette,
still lurched drunk over the horizon,
sometimes sways in the wind
and i mistake it for barley,
but your locks aren't so golden
and your seeds, once dedicated to me,
have spoiled, like some sort of waste
offered to the birds.
pray the flowers i send
don't wilt or shrivel like my tits
letting go of your milk.

11 Feb 16

Rated 10 (10) by 3 users.
Active (3):
Inactive (4): 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(73 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


What can I say?  Good as always.
 — PaulS

j'ing in a cup can be fun. like, there's cups and there's cups, and sometimes you just have to be free enough from biology to get out of the inventory.

women should be free. men are drones and controlled by the t.v.
 — cadmium

thanks so much, Paul.
 — jenakajoffer

This is really good, Jen. If I had one critique: I get the reference, and 18 can stay, but 15 needs a bump IMHO.
 — sixtywatt

Drop 'is like' from line one. Add a semi-colon. Don't like the rhyme on 3-4. 7 drop the.  Drop as on 8. But fuck so I love 33-34. I need to go sweat this off. Bbl
 — Known

face-carving a side of fava beans-
 — sixtywatt

Hi Known, I like that thanks a bunch, I considered a few of your suggestions.
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you sixty! I had to giggle at your face carving, it's definitely right up there with this caliber but I'm thinking its a bit too much with skulled. I may save that for another time if you don't mind :)

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, I appreciated them.
 — jenakajoffer

Okay....(cue the tuba), dum, dum ,dum. Great poem, Jen.
 — sixtywatt

Hahaha, cute. :)
 — jenakajoffer

This got better since the last time I read it, if possible.
 — sixtywatt

Methinks the 2/3 stanza switch was impeccable, and some lines have found their ways home. but don't trust me....I read last night with my friend P. Grigio
 — sixtywatt

just a passing thought: 100% chianti has a black rooster on it, by Italian law. Its like our FDNA. Maybe an obscure reference, but one you might be able to weave in.
 — sixtywatt

USFDA. I suck acroynyms
 — sixtywatt

Haha! That's ok I probably wrote this with my friend cab franc who was jealous of that slut, Chianti. Rooster indeed. Again, thanks for the props for another poem. Bill is not really a cock, maybe not quite ready for that statement, his animal is sheep curl and milk jug, it's hard to make him worldly.

Thanks for reading since the edit. Say hi to your friend for me. ;)
 — jenakajoffer

I don't know about amerikan laws.
I'm kanadian. I was at the LCBO searching grapes for my smash mouth.
 — jenakajoffer

You're right though, styx, in a way, that fava beans are a little extraneous.
But I'm not sure.
 — jenakajoffer

Chianti is a total slut. I heard she gave a hand job to David Rosencliff down by the water tower.
 — sixtywatt

Hey Jen I think sixty wants to call you slut.
 — Known

But I'm not sure.
 — Known

What do you guys do with your dead lightbulbs
 — Known

It's dinner time. Do you know where your slut is? Bill does.
 — Known

Not what I was saying at all, I have to get lunch. Thanks Known for trouble. =)
 — sixtywatt

Halogen bulbs are not to be recycled and can be thrown out with your regular rubbish collection. Diposal of unused halogen bulbs is the same as it is for used bulbs — simply make sure the bulb is wrapped and dispose of with the regular trash.     I'm thinking Arby's
 — sixtywatt

What do you guys do with your dead lightbulbs

I keep mine with my empty tea bags
 — Known

We both know it's what you wanna say sixty. Man up
 — Known

You got me. Any commenter/author of this poem is welcome in Charlotte, NC.
 — sixtywatt

Haha, Nice one sixty!

Known you get a little carried away, it's really you who wants to be masturbatory, slut. :) I remember.

Light bulbs are pretty easy but I'm disappointed about Arby's. Can't say I've ever been so low that I'd end up eating there. We do have one in town infortunately.

Known where do you eat?
 — jenakajoffer

Today? Nowhere. I'm hung over as fuck.
 — Known

Ewww only McDonald's can help you there. But you've missed breakfast so...
 — jenakajoffer

L.F.G. #2: seeker

I brought extra sencha
In the speckled, grey bag
I dropped out of school with as our
Cantaloupe slice sun rose
A jetliner triangle
Heads your way

In the distance below The lone jet
Trails away from you and
Heads out towards the sea

I never learn
if they make it

Beyond the horizon
New York, New York
Quietly eradicates a dormancy
Known only by the ex-grievers

I am there with you in spirit
tip-toeing in your heart
as you cover up your eyes
and begin to count down
from something locals call

November 12, 2015
 — Known

jokes are hard-pressed.
Even the good one's hurt
Then your computer
threatens a restart
 — sixtywatt

Hit later sixty. Don't let your computer push you around.
 — Known

I don't know what you guys are talking about but I was wondering if the lightbulb question was directed at me. But even if it was who cares.

Hey thanks for the fave Paul and basil :)
 — jenakajoffer

I just want to read 28-30 till I'm like 200.
 — Known

Haha, I think me too, Gnomie. :)
 — jenakajoffer

It's real. I love real. 🤗
 — Known

"Believe it or not, The Silence of the Lambs was released on Valentine’s Day in 1991"
 — DeformedLion

Yes indeed it was, my little stinky pants. There are no accidents when it comes to this.
 — jenakajoffer

pretty sure known was stick-poking at my nom de plume. We love him anyway. I think you were safe, Jen.
 — sixtywatt

coach outlet
michael kors outlet online
moncler sale
ralph lauren polo shirts
michael kors handbags clearance
ralph lauren outlet
mic hael kors outlet
nike shoes outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren outlet
mbt outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
adidas superstar
true religion jeans
oakley sunglasses
pandora jewelry outlet
ugg outlet
mont blanc
mic hael kors handbags
fitflop sale
cheap mlb jerseys
valentino shoes
cheap ray ban sunglasses
adidas nmd r1
adidas yeezy
canada goose jackets
true religion outlet store
cheap ray ban sunglasses
nfl jerseys
christian louboutin shoes
ugg outlet online
cheap oakley sunglasses
nike outlet store
jordan retro shoes
adidas outlet online
ugg outlet
pandora charms
nike outlet
nike factory outlet
 — wanglili

payday loans online , generic cialis online , buy cialis , generic viagra , buy generic viagra ,
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)