poetry critical

online poetry workshop

the window blinks as i show shrapnel to its room

you were a galloping glare
the same one that expired
sitting too long
on the trellis of my eyes
and there were thoughts
of jumping
there were times i pushed you
tightening my mouth
arranging my lungs
for that midnight marathon
creeping past the corridors
of us sitting too close
afraid our skin had cavalries
advancing towards the drumfire
and it still hurts
when i shovel sunlight
when it's at its heaviest
drilling me with want
there's a remedy
riding through the fields
of where i failed you
i slip you into everything
like a ticking valium
i wait for the calm of you
to detonate
putting pressure
on this marching plague
releasing the toxins of our tale
back into the air
back to where love
worked long hours
saving up
for one good suit

18 Feb 16

Rated 1 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 1, 10
Inactive (7): 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(219 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


I like this! A little dark and mysterious, but scenic! Cheers.
 — Known

15 onward really gripped me in. :)
 — jenakajoffer

Yeah, from 15 on there's something in every stanza that I just love. Well done.
 — kurtosis

lines 22-25 (especially 24) and lines 28-31 are my favorites.
love reading your work, mandolyn :)
 — sweetmisery

kind of nice indy rock ballad. not much substance, but that's probably supposed to be supplied by watching the singer.
 — cadmium

11-14 is a bloody  medal!!
 — unknown

this is good for linear wordiness, sounds smart and has some groove
but for me it lacks soul or any real genuine feeling.
for that reason I think it fails on me. IMHO
 — unknown

shovel sunlight is such a stupid line to go along with the rest of your odd cliche poetry
you really are not a very nice person......really truly and totally....have fun in hell with hubby.........the grim reaper
 — unknown

Recent Best (expand)