poetry critical

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Life, frankly

Comments would be great!

So many times,
poets write poems about poems,
poems, poetry, the art of figurative language
So here's another one.
But rather than go to great lengths to tell you
     what I think a poem is
I'll say it simply.
A poem is
   a group of words, no different than
      a road sign or a cookbook or
         plaid potato vampire nose.
And music is nothing but
   a series of sounds, not unlike
      the buzz of a fluorescent light or a baby's cry or
         my pen scratching on the paper.
   activity in the brain.  The same cause of
      the twitch in your left leg, your craving for    
         your eyes moving across this page.
Colour, then, is just the reflection of light.
Laughter is just another noise.
Happiness, another dream.
         And life?
Life is art
Life is a bowl of cherries
Life is an endless battle
Life is a bitch, then you die
Life is a challenge
Life is like climbing a tree
Life is a dance, a very elaborate and complex dance
Life is but a dream
Life is everything
Life is a game
Life isn't a game
Life is good
Life is a journey
Life is a labyrinth
Life is a metaphor for a greater reality
Life is nothing
Life is like a river
Life is like a roller coaster
Life is short
Life is but a walking shadow
Life is one big intertwining web.
I lied.
A poem is more than a cookbook in the same way that
   music is more than a fluorescent light and
      dreams are more than a twitch.
If life is (II)
and everything is life, besides death,
then the world must be more than I thought
and I must be more than I thought
and a poem?
A poem is whatever it wants to be.

24 Jun 04

Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
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The first stanza is quite good. I would build upon that alone and leave the second and third stanzas out.
 — unknown

your 'life is' tirade has some very fresh ideas, like l1,2 and 3, but after that, many of the expressions have been hashed and rehashed, and do not belong in your otherwise solid poem. your first and last stanza is terrific. please if you do not do anything else, take out life sucks, life is like a box of damn frickin chocolates, life is a story, etc. i suggest you leave only life is..[insert original phrase here] things, or else the established sayings cheapen this piece.

apart from that, i think i would like to say that this is superb.
 — wendz

I took out a few of the really overdone metaphors, but I'm not sure if it's enough. Can someone tell me what they think?
 — om

This is truly insane, and I love it.

Just fablous!
 — pennylane

I have a question... I don't like |53, but I don't know how to relate it back to the second part. Any suggestions?
 — om

love, actually.
 — unknown

whoa... something really freaky... I was just thinking about how my title reminded me of Love, actually.  and I totally didn't do it on purpose
 — om

wow. i really like this.  but i agree, i don't like line 53.  i don't have any suggestions, though, so i shouldn't even be mentioning this.
 — unknown

The first stanza hooked me. And I wanted more of the same.  I love lines 49-52 and think you should keep them. The irony of the first stanza works so well and is intriguing and original. Keep working on it. Thank you.
 — smugzy

life is kind of great it like of journey beacause you have to take it one day at a time
 — unknown

This was entertaining, regardless of flaws.
 — Mai

Suggestion for L52- 'If life is like I said it was'
 — unknown

I love it
 — imohams

you're attacking the wind, when you say poets write about poems. poets respond to poems, but hobby writers writing hallmark verse get silly, think they're writing poetry because they say important stuff in an arty way. it's just advertising verse, selling themselves to the reader for a hug or a hate. there's no soul or music in this, just stacking of idea lumber in a graveyard of old dead words. "death", "life" why should i believe you know anything about life when you're buying your words from webster-mart and using them like a kid in highschool to impress a teacher...?
 — cadmium