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hank

It would be so easy to roll out the window
 1
and hit the pavement head first
 2
 
 
probably wouldn't even hurt
 3
 
 
That's for sure, one of the simpler ways out
 4
head first head first head first
 5

1 Apr 16

Rated 10 (9.5) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (3): 2, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(451 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

protect the head!
 — tonebone

Geronimo!
 — PollyReg

This is a sublimal advertisement for helmets. 4.
 — unknown

works. image and kinetics are very tight. english language haiku to fit english... no arty "exotic" me-so....

line 4 is fucked, but the concept of the piece is about being fucked, and a nice little sample can aid the retard reader.

Lick asphalt for health and sex.
 — cadmium

Having intimately known someone who died when his car rolled over and his head hit head first head first, etc., I cannot convey how horrifying this poem is.  It's small, simple and deceiving.  One of my brothers was a trucker years ago.  He picked up a hitchhiker who promptly fell asleep in the passenger seat, woke up hours late, turned to look at my brother with a look of horror, opened the door and fell out backwards - at 65 miles an hour.

As I said, your poem is deceptively normal and simple but it's not.  
 — Isabelle5

Hey, I checked out your website and I am totally enthralled by your art and your life adventures.  It seems you, too, are deceptively simple here!  I just kept reading!  Glad to find you here.
 — Isabelle5

...I'm not sure this poem is quite that serious Isabelle...that's a little extreme!
 — Known

I guess poems connect with our life experiences and shape our reading.  
 — Isabelle5

ok, right for the idea.

Apart from that, you haven't hardly created a single imagery effect. Why not try to identify how it would be to do it. How you figure the effect would be on your body personally., intimately... the noise, the body damage, the aftermath regret, who knows ?

Distrust the flatterers here. Improving is painful... and will make you rid of many of what you have written too fast...
 — greenmantle

Certainly, your poem is not ready, not yet.
 — greenmantle

greenmantle...you made me laugh...thanks.
 — hank

I enjoyed this. However you might want to seek help.
 — Escher89phi

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