poetry critical

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my swing swings high,
but sometimes i just sit.
it's not rope but chains,
with a rubber u.
i'm not always pushed-
i like to do it myself.
and if you swing both legs
you'll swing straight ,
but if you swing one,
you'll wobble.

26 Jun 04

Rated 1 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (5): 1, 8, 8, 8, 9, 10

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 — unknown

 — akiikii

...not cute
 — unknown

 — unknown

doesn't really do or say anything original to me but how you swing on a swing and this most ppl already know.  sry.
Maybe if you took the first 2 lines and tell us why you just sit on the swing instead of swinging.  Or perhaps why you don't like to be pushed.
Just my humble opinion
 — Dinky

most people already know i swing on a swing? didn't know most people know that, sorry dinky.
 — hank

 — themolly

Man, hank, I really like this--so simple, but there's a subtle metaphor here.  
 — housepoppy

i like
 — kaleidazcope

Simple Truth
 — Roz

stupendous. says so much by saying so little. or is that the other way around?
 — ollylama

hm. twisting around on the chain swing. forgot about that little maneuver.
 — hank

i like this.
your poetry makes me smile sometimes.
 — listen

i think this is adorable. have an image of a little girl on a swing.. precious.
 — unknown

All true stuff. I like line 2 the best. Actually, sitting and twisting and tangling is a nice swing thing to do.
t'hank's unkn
 — unknown

nice hank.  i never saw this.
rubber u.  very nice.
 — gnormal