there's a victorian piece of steel
already put together not like the one
that sits in the creek crossways
water washes wagging algae
bright peaish green over it's red iron face
you'll find only hard trouts
5 Dec 16
Rated 10 (8.5) by 1 users.
Inactive (1): 7, 10
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noun, plural (especially collectively) trout (especially referring to two or more kinds or species) trouts.
What a manly poem, hank.
Caught in the drift
Dungareez and all,
and so as not to disappoint ....
first comment was mine too. I was going to review it anonymously as well. Fiddle with your line breaks and stuff.
It can be read two ways, right? The first way, without idioms for poo, is nice, poetic. I like the hard trouts, because they would be, of course, living in a bog. Paints a poetic scene and all. Would have liked to fiddle with it...see what it could do.
The second way is crude and vulgar.
I don't see why a lot of poems have to be 1 or 2 interpretations. Its fairly easy to do...I would like to see some of you 'good writers' moving past the two meanings (because its an us against them, good against bad, very common theme) and attempt to move onto the possibility of multiple interpretations
just my thoughts.
what would be even funnier is if they don't call poos 'brown trouts' as a kind of euphemism in your country. Then I would be quite the damn fool, wouldn't I?
Maybe "hard" should be "difficult"?
never even thought about meaning 1 while writing this poem...or is it meaning 2?
An exercise in perception, perhaps? I think you thought about both.
Maybe had a specific reader in mind. "You'll find only hard trouts." So in effect, there is three meanings. Meaning one, Meaning two, And the combined meaning...(Ars Poetica?)
If its obvious to me and I am a dumbass....It's obvious. Subtlety is lost.
Meanwhile, meaning 1, the poetic one, is a metaphorically sound piece of writing....I think the idioms in meaning 2 kill it though. Unfortunately.
I think poems should be this: Meaning 1 soft, Meaning 2 soft, Meanings 3, 4 and so forth shit hard.
Now....If you understood that dribble drabble we both deserve medals.
Have a pleasant day.
Imagery is good. I can clearly picture it. (And I don't picture a toilet) I picture a bog stream.
You're funny, Hank.
^ otherwise known (????) as my life as a critic