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cadmium

so, would you would
 1
you hesitate to play?
 2
                  ... all the things in store you've heard of --
 3
                  things you'd like to do the most?
 4
 
 
we'd whisper inside whispers,
 5
night and day, and charge on amex,
 6
rooms of
 7
cashew ginger peanut butter french fries,
 8
spread on toast.
 9
 
 
and, arthur rubinstein would sing our brand new birthday,
 10
tatting on the keys  -- no mystery here, it's only play.
 11
 
 
the fold and fold of fingers bending years inside
 12
beside themselves; fleeting rushes kissing loving....
 13
wrapped inside time's feathered gown --
 14
let's dance a double curve back through
 15
our history, instead of faking moments: time don't pay.
 16
 
 
and, make a song we'll sing again, invent a ghost gray Saturday to hide inside
 17
between ourselves.
 18
 
 
you'd sing a song to wake up sleepy willow trees,
 19
you'd tap dance on the floor of xanadu. and, all the while,
 20
where would you could you with the other girl who's listening,
 21
who'd stop your pitter-patter with a smile, and you'd be gone.
 22

24 Jan 17

Rated 10 (9.8) by 3 users.
Active (3): 10
Inactive (3): 8, 9, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

another lyric for the music play I forgot to write in 1936.
 — cadmium

Well, dammit, if she could I wish she'd just do it.

Naw, but unfortunately, it seems she just wants to talk about the biz.

Its a pocket full of puff, really. Literally speaking and otherwise.

Happy?

Like a version  for you and your subject, Cad.  Nice poem.  Thanks for the read.

https://youtu.be/7N28FRdCs3 k
 — PollyReg

I give you 10
 — PollyReg

I get to be Liv in this one.
 — PollyReg

An absolutely fantastic, and strongly written poem. I do love it!

My only suggestion would be to look at the first stanza, out of the lot of them it's the weakest and didn't engage me to begin with. I'm unsure if "would you" was meant to be repeated in the first line, but if so it seems superfluous.

That said: I'm glad I continued reading, the rest of the poem is fantastic. My favourite line/image was "invent a ghost gray Saturday to hide inside". So despondent and lonely yet melodic and beautiful at the same time.

Excellent work!
 — romkey

thanks for your like. the first stanza has a melody, but it's in a minor key. the would you/would you making it a song lyric instead of a poem. so, the rules in this is that the music makes the words work. but, since it's a concert lyric and not a song, the words play with each other -- hence the title -- playing at making a song with no music. so, the awkward would you/would you allows the strange "where would you could you with the other" in line 20. or, so it seems to me.

the important thing is line 11 on, the romantic break out of the structure.
 — cadmium

Your poem makes me hungry and feel queer like a kid again, playing at the playground. Well done.
 — sylvia

nice, slyia. best likely that's what it is.
 — cadmium

play time.
 — cadmium

Refreshing-I really enjoyed it.
 — Darpa

thanks. that's refreshing in itself.

mike
 — cadmium

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