poetry critical

online poetry workshop

i couldn't tell

you didn't tell,
and, hell, i didn't care --
except you teased
my launch to mars,
called it 'kiddy kar',
like i'd stolen mercury
and misaligned your star. yah,
i'm impossible.
you reinvented your history,
like a last month's christmas tree,
bangling oggles, stretched out wobble:
wooden wingless wigs on trump's fedora --
i implore ya not to get too hip intensitied,
'cause mr. leprosy has got your ride.
and, i'm so mellow here in porkland,
watching pigs roll down the feathered hill;
chilling with the leprechauns and demons,
such a fright. and, nights are wizard,
with each drop
from fremont bridge
into the frigid willy-met: splash of broken
presents, on stage, the final biosphere,
and we're rejected for the future we've just passed.
you didn't kiss, and, well,
i wouldn't tell you how to shoot;
your girl's a fool for chatterbating when
you're raving in the rust belt far and gone;
gone getaway, to contemplate the reasons
for some transit world in plasma space --
learn things we thought we thought were worthless: grin and glow.
if i must pick apart the slivers of my memory,
pinch each punctured line
and redefine what's life or art: what kept us far away --
replace the sadness meat of history, of you and me,
with something smileable to play me while you're
puking in the bar.
i didn't tell you how so beautiful you looked last night;
i forgot to bring the orchid for your wedding gown --
i've often felt i should adore you more, to be polite,
but, polite's that thing the clown tripped over, leaving town.

1 Feb 17

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ok bob
 — DeformedLion

changed it some to make it more lyrical.
 — cadmium

this is worthless, i think. that's how i feel today. poetry is about feeling, but sometimes i'm too gay.
 — cadmium