poetry critical

online poetry workshop



[dead skin in a groove]
dannyprice

dead skin in a groove
 1
wants to be part of this song
 2
dust upon the wax
 3

12 Feb 17

Rated 10 (10) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(220 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

interesting but artificial. it doesn't feel like a song, but it's not phrasing like english. japanese haiku only works in japanese. we've been tricked by our teachers to think it's working in english, but they only really wanted us to write anything at all. they didn't think we'd turn out to be poets and need more than a template.

dead skin on the groove,
wanting to be part of the song --
dandruff sing-along.
 — cadmium

I agree with cad. his version is groovier.
 — crepaway

0.314s