poetry critical

online poetry workshop



coordination
cadmium

coordination of
 1
the reception
 2
of sensations
 3
 
 
i feel you, smell, tell, and say.
 4
                 >> water from heaven is rain --
 5
                    the wind from yesterday
 6
 
 
dry toast
 7
pot roast
 8
casper -- ghost.
 9
 
 
these ele-ghost things
 10
grossing my mind, all
 11
come
 12
their way
 13
to stay, to say good night, little mike;
 14
                                  white my fright.
 15

25 Jul 17

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Comments:

changes made: expanded and contracted some phrases to actually make a more concrete poem.
 — cadmium

people don't get this. they want to talk about  their drunk collisions and longing in their own work, and they don't even think deep enough to wonder where their self ends and where the one they're bumping into begins.

'coordination' is juxtaposition, is 'collision'. this piece tries to sort out what's fantasy and what's real between myself and the reader.
 — cadmium

sorry not concrete

Yours pedantic today
 — unknown

yah, squeek is as good as a critique. thanks.
 — cadmium

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