concur totally, and a fun office wall hanging to go next to 'walk a mile in my shoes' and, 'the rules.'
kind of ignores 'the wild old wicked man', and 'sailing to byzantium' though.
i think i'd go, '
instead of 'age', cause i'm still pretty quick, but my knees won't let me sprint more than two blocks for the bus, and i hate that.
also, 'ushers' comes off a little oblique -- i thought of ushers for weddings or funerals, since this is about our relationship with society and not our relationship with our actual creative self.
firms the present,
but the embrace of now;
no need to concern
over lost keys
or even houses --
our corridor to other rooms;
tunnel of light.
The insistence on capitalizing each new line combined with the lack of punctuation is really grating and makes this hard to read. Punctuation (commas, periods, semi-colons) and capitalization exist for the purposes of flow and this piece becomes very difficult to read without either. I can't see any meaningful reason to leave these kinds of indicators out either.
l9-11 is its own thought and should really be a new stanza. Same comment for l12-15
l25 - locations of keys reads weird. I think the double pluralization is throwing this off. It stacks again in l26 with "houses"
l28-29 and l30 are saying the same thing. The repetition here is uneccessary.
inuki has never been taught how to read a modern poem, and doesn't know that poetry is the invention of language. inuki thinks poetry shows how high class. insulting the author by saying that the line capitalization is wrong, shows that inuki actually has never read englishmen's poetry. in the books, all the classical poets have initial capitalization. and, if inuki is saying that that is old fashioned, why is inuki trying to get this author to re-write the poem so that it sounds like victorian era prose?
i had a teacher in the second grade who was like inuki. all her energy went to trying to get poor whites not to say 'ain't'. i had to be in the school with these kids, because my step-dad was trying to start a business in the area, but happily he was a retard about business and we moved back to the west coast.
poets invent language. it's ignorant to think that poets use business school english practices to write what business school students wouldn't even dream of writing. point: we don't write poetry for low-ability readers. they've got manga and robert frost.
My speed dial registers 200 mph...A poem to ponder here.
Larry old as them thar hills Lark