poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Rats and Tinnitus
dele

under the platform the
 1
 
 
clicking of shoes and the
 2
 
 
first leaves of Buddlejas brown
 3
 
 
soft bodies move searching
 4
 
 
over the gravel in yellow-grey light between
 5
 
 
heavier greys look
 6
 
 
down, London, look down past
 7
 
 
your feet before you
 8
 
 
run back to your holes look
 9
 
 
down, London, the streets aren’t so silent the rats
 10
 
 
hear your footsteps the
 11
 
 
ringing is all in your head
 12
 
 
it appears after all
 13

6 Oct 17

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Comments:

nice melodic writing. kind of a hide and peek motion, giving us something, then jumping to another point of view and saying, 'look what that poet gave you!'. it's a game and a nice one.

'london' works so well, coming when it does -- giving color to the gray writing and gray flowers trying to be a colorful brown in a color-draining world. bodies suddenly become as flowers, able to move only through changing their appearance, their color.

good ending, where the listening rats move into your head eating.
 — cadmium

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