poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Rats and Tinnitus

under the platform the
clicking of shoes and the
first leaves of Buddlejas brown
soft bodies move searching
over the gravel in yellow-grey light between
heavier greys look
down, London, look down past
your feet before you
run back to your holes look
down, London, the streets aren’t so silent the rats
hear your footsteps the
ringing is all in your head
it appears after all

6 Oct 17

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nice melodic writing. kind of a hide and peek motion, giving us something, then jumping to another point of view and saying, 'look what that poet gave you!'. it's a game and a nice one.

'london' works so well, coming when it does -- giving color to the gray writing and gray flowers trying to be a colorful brown in a color-draining world. bodies suddenly become as flowers, able to move only through changing their appearance, their color.

good ending, where the listening rats move into your head eating.
 — cadmium

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