poetry critical

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Cursing
pennypoe7

you've got me musing
 1
over your--
 2
loose lips, bottle sip, dopamine hit
 3
oh yes love,
 4
i've got the keys, for that steady climb
 5
.... to high altitudes
 6
where for a brief moment, we sit
 7
waiting, humming, starving
 8
for that slow release, euphoria
 9
N I R V A N A
 10
--oh--
 11
yes love,
 12
you've got me cursing
 13
(mostly your name)
 14
as i'm cascading
 15
down
 16
down
 17
down
 18
to that serotonin rush
 19
 
 
and
 20
no love, it's never too much.
 21

3 Nov 17

Rated 9.7 (9.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 9, 10
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)



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Comments:

curse louder
with less anonymity
say how you feel
b l o c k
if you must
react
write
post
 — unknown

very sexy
 — unknown

no it is not.
 — unknown

at best it's a fumbling, stumbly attempt to say something genuine, muddled up by a bunch of bullshit
 — dvdsxr

the only comment that isn't me is the one that says "very sexy"... which is passive and says nothing at all.

truthfully, I love this writing. 9/10, would read again...


however, it could be improved.

sorry about my previous comment. that was me being a stupid asshole and I actually regret it.
 — dvdsxr

how about instead of being a "stupid asshole" you tell me how you would improve it? Throwing insults does nothing, unless of course you're just trying to attack the writer, then well done.
 — pennypoe7

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