poetry critical

online poetry workshop



bill in the salad
jenakajoffer

we never sprout sweet nothings, bill
 1
but you always looked fresh in a spring mix
 2
wearing your french dressing gown,
 3
your tongue going down
 4
where you cut out my tenderness.
 5
 
 
it’s the bottom of January and nothing more will flower
 6
but your seeds still slosh in my knee socks;
 7
when I siphoned the milk and your heart
 8
yolked in my bee-closet, I still wear that stain
 9
on my silhouette,
 10
 
 
and then you slouched over the bedpost like a wet canvas,
 11
an art nouveau faking amnesia while the bruises
 12
burst into teensy rainbows; your face blown ripe
 13
'cause I loved too hard,
 14
like the thing bobbing in the well,
 15
the way it holds its shape as the pain
 16
clenches blindly onto something.
 17
 
 
you're numb at the bottom
 18
but I still want to put you in the salad;
 19
some oily-milk mutation wilted like a daisy,
 20
two steps shy of a throat punch dancing the cornfield
 21
in those cucumber sandals; all your lipsticks
 22
dried on the chipped-tooth zipper and your eyes,
 23
pitted like olives.
 24
 
 
there’s a flood of maudlin yellow soaking the curtains
 25
and a plateful of carp sandwiches waiting for your swallow;
 26
you can fuss over the dolls crumpled by the fire,
 27
rest your junk on my rib cage while I scrub you off silently;
 28
soft memories, that tender fist knocking the blood-bag—
 29
do you remember?
 30

23 Apr 18

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Comments:

like adding cream to coffee. all the heat convections roiling the surface. all the surface secretly hotter than the lips can take. all the while, the author's fingers are burning from the cup. all the while the author's waiting for a better drink than 97% decaf. somewhere life exists as more than a polite rearrangement of anger. ts of nice words and phrases in this though. irony comes back to bite the butt of the random victim. it simply dissolves to, "i'm lying, fuck me" if it doesn't have an edge.

been-there mike
 — cadmium

remember the time u grew up?
 — percocet

this poem, is you growing up.
 — percocet

who would you be if nothing ever happened to u?  u look at the pretty girls that have lived perfect lives and say...?
 — percocet

I imagine u are 12 years old, and ima stop talking to u.
 — percocet

unless you are numb to the bottom
 — percocet

sry, bad joke.
 — percocet

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 — unknown

I quite like that garble, perc. Thanks.
 — jenakajoffer

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 — unknown

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