poetry critical

online poetry workshop



spring
rivergood

From the  windowsill
 1
neath the old oak tree,
 2
i see the daffodils gently sway
 3
and yonder Magnolia in abundance.
 4
The church yard full of yellow aconites
 5
This is Spring rejoicing in her dexterity
 6

9 May 18

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this is the first poem i have done
 — rivergood

It is a very good first poem, nice imagery, though a tiny bit ordinary (spring poems need to stand out, shake it out of the norm).  I do not know what aconrites are, but I looked up aconites, but regardless of spelling or what it is, I do not like the word...no offense.

what I might try to avoid, is telling; the poem is telling me what to do, and a poem should show/ suggest the image and feelings, rather than point to them with a yardstick.  

here is a way to throw your words around, i am not suggesting you use any of it, just a way to see things differently.  What I can suggest is considering a feeling associated with the poem, something to personify it, allow the reader to feel or relate.  anyway, thanks for sharing :)

beneath the windowsill
daffodils sway, and yonder
the abundance of churchyard yellow
rejoicing.
 — jenakajoffer

thank you for your help Jenna
 — rivergood

good poem food for thought
 — unknown

k
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 — unknown

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

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