poetry critical

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The busy

Your electric blue dress
betrays a certain age wastage.
You are looking tired, lacklustre!
How does it feel to swallow sardines
when everybody else is laughing .

12 Jun 18

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very Dorothy  Parker new york lite
 — rivergood

nothing wrong with sardines, however, metaphorically, that could be quite something.

your questions marks are off-putting, try ditching all the punctuation.
 — jenakajoffer

thank you Jenna. Glad you're  helping us newbies
 — Rossant

you're not a newbie, rossant, i recognise your name from way back.
i like the edits.  i'd also get rid of 'even'.  just tired, lackluster!
 — jenakajoffer

Your electric blue dress
betrays a certain age wattage
 — unknown