poetry critical

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pocket verse nummer two
cadmium

two much of you islike
 1
glue in a spike,
 2
i laugh till i die,
 3
cause it felt like
 4
your dick.
 5

this lite verse... prose with arty moves. it's not poetry, it's just ha-ha lite.

a poem is a self expanding phrase. this is a self contracting put down.

14 Jun 18

Rated 3.5 (3.5) by 4 users.
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Comments:

deliberately child like
 — unknown

just for you.
 — cadmium

islike are 2 separate words
 — unknown

not in this poem. that's why you're kind of useless. you only have a child's school grammar, maybe one you've learnt as english as a second language and aren't confident enough to use english inventively, the way we do. grammar, spelling, these are historical things, not innate to the body, much less to the mind.

welcome to the world of real poetry.
 — cadmium

real poets dont make up foolish rules to downsize enthusiasts
 — unknown

thanks, i agree. his schoolboy grammer rules are bedwetter. how would a casual chatterbox like he know  poetry? poetry is in its own grammar. poets know this and have to bend and invent grammar to become real... to invent poetry.

it's not about what you say, it's about transcending thought and body to get beyond what can be said. some people don't have much to say.
 — cadmium

L1 too much.....
L 5 you tick.
 — unknown

the 'two-ness" is a projection out o "too much", of his multiple personalities and fakery.

'islike' is a sound-bite representation from chatter talk. we've had forms like thi in published poetry since 1902. 1902.

you don't know poetry.

a "spike" is an active heroin needle, being used, inserted into the body. too much of you at any time slows down the world. this is a poetic image. it's written in poetry, not in 4th year english as a second language.

'dick' is american for 'penis'. the insult is that he's worthless because he has a small dick. now, this little lite verse thing is intended as a slam back, a styling thing. it's not a poem... i hope your balls don't freeze up at the thought that something which is a word object with funny line breaks isn't really a poem.

for me, this is about the sound train: like, spike, die, like, dick. it's an harmonic thing. music thing. it's almost poetic. smile.
 — cadmium

Cadmium in league with Shakespeare  rewrites  the English language.  The vain vanity of it
 — unknown

you're kind of not educated. you need to read a book. it's not good to sound like a crack-head when you're trying to tell us how much you'd like to meet people.
 — cadmium

too much disliking and cheap point scoring makes a fool of you
 — unknown

write in english. you sound like a crack-head. it makes me think you're just jealous.
 — cadmium

i wish this was a good poem.  because then I could say, 'he may be a jerk, but he's a damn good poet'.
 — unknown

it's NOT a poem. it's lite verse... prose with arty moves. a poem is a self expanding phrase. this is a self contracing put down. most all the stuff posted here is jus self contracting. hardly anything expands the heart or mind. it just feeds resentment and envy.

poetry is language invented into emotion, not gossip made arty with arbitrary line breaks.
 — cadmium

you're a people collector. you're not stupid enough to not have looked at the rest of my work. you're posting put-downs for propaganda, to convert a flock, make a posse. yyour kinf of poetry is about women yielding to powerful men in a womanlike way. ictorian shit writing from "seen one you've seen 'um all" word shitters. some kind of socio-narcissistic libra from a remote dry cleaning shop.
 — cadmium

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