poetry critical

online poetry workshop



1980 - 2018
unknown

There will be times
 1
when you will find yourself alone
 2
consumed by the cool curves of the porcelain tub
 3
as if it were your ex wifes thighs
 4
and your developing reflection as it interrogates you
 5
while the soap drains
 6
and what will stall you that day
 7
is not god, a memory of your mother or
 8
a disney quotation
 9
but the midnight whine of your cat
 10
you falsely believe
 11
cannot go on
 12
without you.
 13

17 Jun 18

Rated 7.5 (7.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 5, 10
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(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

i don't know the meaning of this. i think 'bourdain' is some t.v. personage, but i don't know that. if so, then what i read here is that a 'bourdain' is like some hungry pet, whining, and that our needs are so shallow that we drown in them by falling face down into the little pool of 'make me happy'...?

as writing, this has a nice flow, though the line beat, the pulse of this, is prosaic... it kind of has that add-ed bulk feeling which prose writers have to use to make their sentences sound rational or believable. poetry doesn't need that, because it builds its own time into the poem's own world. if you understand what i'm saying. that prose is an artificial creation to mimic nature, while poetry is an actual event in nature as it's being written. this makes poetry a part of nature, giving to the reader without asking for respect or love -- just giving to the reader something they can want because the poem itself is beautiful. this is verse -- it's heavy enough as verse, but it's not poetry.

i really hope you can read my work and find and show me where i'm making the same prosy moves i think i see in this. that's 'workshop'.
 — cadmium

difficult  poem to judge it is both bitty and bitter quite an accomplishment
 — unknown

Deep af
 — unknown

!
 — unknown

porcelain tubs have alot to answer for. A Tupperware would serve just as well
 — unknown

ouch
 — unknown

author changed the text of the poem. my comment was on the first version. that's maybe what unknowns do to avoid embarrassment, kind of like teens when someone yells they're homo.
 — cadmium

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