poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Ode to Fuck Boys
ziggy11

At one point I was
 1
Fooled by your guise.
 2
Well obviously, because that night
 3
I found you in-between my thighs
 4
 
 
Why be racist, sexist, or homophobic?
 5
Your shirt said,
 6
Does your mum pick your clothes?
 7
Or do you get off, on being a walking contradiction instead?
 8
 
 
My mum always told me
 9
That boys only want one thing.
 10
You secretly removed the condom
 11
I didn’t realize, you wanted offspring?
 12
 
 
You said you were drunk
 13
So it's okay. Please do not use that excuse
 14
Not ever..
 15
Especially not today.
 16

6 Jul 18

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 8, 9, 10
Inactive (0): 7

(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

brilliant reflection of  real life
 — unknown

LOVE IT...
Line 12:  "so... was it offspring?" (I think that will still work and will flow better)
If u want to stick to 4 lines each stanza, perhaps consider moving "Please don't use that excuse" ^UP
Like so:
"So, it's ok.  Plz don't use that excuse
Not ever...
especially not today."
Again, this is a great poem.
 — aforbing

Nice, thanks it works better :)
 — ziggy11

Reminds me of the sort of poetry when this
was a living site
 — unknown

story poems for nasty boys flirting with nasty girls. talky prose stories broken into arbitrary lines so the author can be a poet and not just a prose writer who can't get a paragraph together?

remember, you're here, little unk, and you could be making the site more alive for people like you. but, you don't. you're passive, waiting to be stimulated.

the poem.

sentence writing and the sentences are controlled by prose logic -- schoolboy grammar moves, where you sound upper class if you don't  write 'anyways'.

the thought is here, but it's a news report on the reactions of the author. it's not poetry. poetry shows  what the author is, not what the author wants us to believe -- openness is what poetry is about. openness isn't confessing, it's breaking down. if you're really fucked by a relationship, as this relationship seems, then you scream and freeze up. the poetry part is when you start writing what you actually want to have had happen, and realize that it was you that made the wrong choice or did the wrong thing. from that kind of deep introspection you find out who you really are, and write the poem where you realize that your love was real but that it couldn't be, and you let go and write the beautiful part about the love in you. you give something to the reader without wanting pity. you make something real to nourish the world.  
 — cadmium

0.37s