poetry critical

online poetry workshop



west texas stroll
cadmium

deer mom i'm writing this
 1
for you on your bithday
 2
only one two... seven months late
 3
i've been busy
 4
i'm here at hole foods
 5
with my ear-plugs
 6
cause they play
 7
the worst pop shit from
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the sixties
 9
it must be 'classical'
 10
to these millenials,
 11
 
 
so,
 12
but anyway, there's going to
 13
be careful tweeters, readers,
 14
so, i gotta entertain.
 15
 
 
two deer in the forest,
 16
how do they cry.
 17
their momma's in
 18
the kitchen and their
 19
daddy's gone bye.
 20
 
 
all they little baby's
 21
got a momma with a
 22
dude.
 23
our daddy run to texas
 24
gonna pump some crude.
 25

14 Aug 18

Rated 7 (7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 10
Inactive (0): 5

(define the words in this poem)
(41 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

whole foods are good roughage so good runs follow
 — unknown

i think i like the spammer better than i like parasite unks who can't read.
 — cadmium

this is very creative, good to read something so off-kilter. i like the spelling, it really feels genuine, it's so young and emo rapper.
 — jenakajoffer

it's you again? haha, ok wow.  nice to read this of you mike.
 — jenakajoffer

thanks, jen. i wrote it for you, actually. i wanted to show that that a poem is like a movie, with quick cutting to new scenes. using close ups of the author saying what's what, and then dissolving to a look at people doing the thing the author's talking about.

that you can go in and out of 'authentic voice' the way a film goes in and out of intimate close up and description. i think we can let go of one on one sometimes: one on one, if we think we have to sound 'real', turns our inner world voice into the voice over, a sale's pitch, of a narrator and we don't even see we're doing it.
 — cadmium

thanks for the insight and ideas on that, mike. i will keep it in mind. :)
 — jenakajoffer

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