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Lucid Dreamer

Ever so gently, I drift into dream
My body sleeps peacefully, my minds at extreme
In this place, I reach for the sun
For nothings too great, my limits are none
If only this feeling would stay when I wake
Iʼd conquer my fears, leave nothing to take
My eyes open slightly, I know I must raise
Facing the day, despite my malaise
But this morning is different, I feel so empowered
My stance is much taller, no sign of my glower
Iʼm not quite sure what I gained from my slumber
It fills me with grit, this day I shall sunder
All of my worries seem trivial today
I get through my tasks, then head on my way
Is there some magic I unknowingly found
Will I lose it, when at night, I sleep sound
I decide to be thankful, my spirits soar high
As my head hits the pillow, I bid the day goodbye
My body sleeps peacefully, my minds at extreme
This time is different, Iʼm living my dream!

9 Sep 18

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My minds at an Extreme  is telling not showing
 — unknown

When you proofread, always take into account that if you can cut superfluous wording, then cut then do so, it will give the piece more of a poem feel than prose feel.

Example: "Ever so gently" in line 1 can be cut, why? Because the word "drift"
does the job of those three words. So line 1 would read;

I drift into dream.

"My minds at extreme" does not make sense, you will have to rethink how to get what you mean across with more clarity. the mistake you have made is what we call "sacrificing sense so that you can "force the rhyme."
 — unknown

Thank you
 — Ognibia