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once more, for old times sake

if I can call you that,
ready or not
here I come
back from the dead
where I put my plans on the back burner
..................................for you
I am still alive and well
heart beating
and innerhead screaming
and listen, would you?"
you're the monkey
on my back
and devil on my shoulder
telling me how it's colder
than it really is out
don't I know
how to live
with beating heart
and inner ears deaf?
here, I'll write a facebook post about it
for all my readers
to lurk
well, you can lurk, too
maybe this time you'll stick around
to watch the ship we christened
your use of ellipsis
held my gaze until this morning
when in the sunrise
and the chirping insects of the wild
were all that kept the peace
of ten thousand driveways
and one harrowing gulf
between our hearts on pause
waiting for either to move
and you didn't blink
while I held in an invisible hand
for you a single hug that could have
of an ark
to the shaking and sparking core
and maybe one day you'll realize
that dancing beneath
discounted roof
you despise,
I was as genuine and real
as you'll find these days
and how I wrote for you
infinite haikus
and tattoos for the soul
that only turn out
as the scars they
really are
maybe one day
maybe one day
maybe if I didn't fall in love
maybe then I wouldn't hurt
like I do over this
like I do over you
like I do
............for you
do you remember when
I said
"look how pretty the moon"
I'm sorry for not having already made millions
and not knowing what a mentor is
and for acting like a child
I didn't realize a mastodon
stood before me
I didn't realize what an intellectual giant
would have to do with "energy healing"
I'm sorry I paid too much attention to detail
I'm sorry for crying
I'm sorry for believing in my heart
I'm sorry for saying I'm so sorry, that I'm so fucking sorry it's just a fucking habit like the cigarettes I threw out for you
just habits
I can quit
because I can be better
and I didn't come here to die
I laughed out loud when you said
"we need to find you a publisher"
and here I go again
changing the subject
and pointing out
in a break-up poem
another hundred tangents
here we go
I replied,
Nah, I'm waiting until they come to me
because they will
you'll see
just wait
and see
I might have to scale the mountains on Mars first,
but I'd do that anyway
even if only to prove
Mars and war are simple, stupid, candyland
fairy tale
bullshit products of the past
and the future- it's out there
it's real and made up of the same atomic
of you and me
just like
base reality
you wait and see
I stopped going to war
lifetimes ago
when the epochs of the universe
made it clear
that it all comes to a
regardless of how many pretty paintings
or how much gush of magical music
and hand crafted, bloody, sculptured
wooden poems.
you've been attracted to me because that's
just how physics
with the kind of density
you confuse
with stupidity
-and gravity
It's because I'm not just star guts
Yes, love- and that's the last time I'll address you as such-
I carved out a notch of the everlasting tree in me
and polished it into a crooked cube
I made my mark on you

19 Sep 18

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(76 more poems by this author)

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Enjoyed my first reading of this and will read again. I liked it that you intimate we are the "stuff of stars."
 — unknown

Almond coloured.
Almond shaped.
Her eyes hold in them
the stuff of stars.
 — unknown