poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Life On The Breeze

I’d rather be bodiless,
Nothing to do or say.
A cypher, zephyr,
changeable as weather.
Capricious, tethered to my own whims
among the fancies of weightlessness.
Moon man me, freed from gravities demands.
Nebulous but without outline of cloud,
Lighter than one grain of sand,
invading party pieces, private conversations
without sensation or sound.
Nothing that binds,
not needing to climb to achieve dizzying heights.
Swirling into night without trace,
casting laser light from my dissolving eye
over the bright lit city
with no direction, place or time.
Just an annoying little something,
a sigh in your ear as I pass by.

20 Sep 18

Rated 10 (10) by 3 users.
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Larry the ghost Lark,
Excellent Write.
 — 9

I am my very own bogey man 9

Larry spirited Lark
 — larrylark

Last line brought a smile to my face.
 — unknown

7 --
moon man, me, freed from gravity.
nebulous without cloud or outline:
lighter than one grain of sand,
invading parties,
conversations, without sensations,
no sound. nothing personal,
not climbing or failure or dizzying heights.

into the night without trace,
watching with my laser eye,
my dissolving eye on no direction,
place, time.

just an annoying something,
something said briefly, a sigh
in your ear in my passing by.

// it seems to me this can be said intimately, like you were telling a story to friends, and liked these friends -- actually liked other people -- and wanted to both entertain them and give them a gift of wisdom. holding back, like you're doing in the poem -- all the postulates and caveats -- just draws attention to your infirmities, not your affirmatives.

good writing start.
 — cadmium

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 — unknown